It’s exhausting and frankly it’s a little hard to be understanding and loving when your brain keeps prodding you to eat to prevent you from dying and your stomach is yelping like a cat being used as a piñata bag.

When you ask your SO what they want to eat and they say ‘anything’. Sorry, don’t see ‘anything’ listed on the menu.

Understood, that figuring out what you want to eat is a matter of great gravity and your baby boo wants to consider their options carefully considering the food’s nutritional values and flavours and carefully analysing the menu, but since many factors depend on the outcome of this decision like your mood and the ease of your bowel movement the next day, deciding what to eat is always a source of conflict in a romantic relationship. 

It is commonly said that half the time in a romantic relationship is spent in figuring out what you want to eat and then settling on something you want to eat together with mutual consent. The saying is true, (Oh, hear ye single people out there). A discussion on food typically goes something like this:

8pm

A: Wanna get something to eat?

B: Sure! What do you want?

A: I don’t know…

2 hours later

B: What do you want to eat? 

A: Anything really.

B: So Chinese?

A: I’m not really in the mood for Chinese.

B: Indian?

A: Yeah but it’s kinda oily…

5 hours later 

A: Wanna get golgappas?

B: *dieded*

Understanding the shifting dynamics in a relationship when it comes to food.

Deciding what to eat as a meal together is sort of like power play. Understand that when you ask the vital question, “What do you want to eat?” and they reply saying “Anything” they are shunting off the responsibility and the pressure of deciding the right kind of food, on you. Normally the anything is followed by a “Oh but not pasta! I had it like two weeks ago with XYZ” reducing the options you have left to offer. They control the dynamics of this relationship and your legit argument “But you said anyth..” trails off as you sense mild irritation but remind yourself that you love them. After this if you pick something and the mushroom masala is too spicy, you will be blamed for it unreasonably, so avoid taking on such responsibility. 

When you finally feel like you can trump the game by pulling out the cheesy pizza card with a huge grin on your face, they’ll probably go a step higher and say that they had pizza just yesterday. 

You can never win. 

After hours of such hostility, both of you settle reluctantly on something neither of you wanted to eat and make your peace along with the leathery naan bread with an unhealthy sheen on it which definitely doesn’t look like butter. 

Having to go along with your partner’s dieting phases.

Another problem which crops up regarding food when you’re in love with another human, is when your partner gets grabbed and brainwashed by those crazy new dieting zealots. Suddenly, those dripping burgers you used to order from late night deliveries are ‘unhealthy’ and the lovable jiggly fat around your tummy is unwanted. Which is fine, since people have a choice to not give in to morbid obesity but for God’s sake don’t try to shove your newfound love of celery sticks and lettuce down our throats. 

Then come the dinners which are basically just a pile of leaves thrown together on a plate with a little mayo thrown on top and minuscule bits of chicken hidden securely under large pieces of daunting broccoli and lettuce. Now for unhealthy eaters like us who like tossing in large pieces of meat into our mouths, these sudden encounters with plants are unnerving. 

After crunching down the plate of leaves, because love is torturous that way, you decide to order some cheesy fries and a big burger because you actually need to eat real food, you ask your SO if they want anything. Now they’ll inevitably say no to your query but you can see in their eyes that they will gouge a significant portion of your food once it gets here and you’re really not in the mood to share, after your leafy overload. So you ask again, and they say no, again.

Your food arrives and it feels like sunshine and sparkly unicorn farts, and you can see the love of your life eyeing your fries. Politely, you offer them a fry. They take five. 

When they want a bite from your food even after they said they don’t want anything. 

They want a ‘bite’ of your burger. It’s like deja vu, you know what’s coming. They take a huge, gargantuan, whopping big bite of your burger as you watch on with anxiety choking your throat and realise that Joey’s food issues are real. 

Your brain freewheels back to a time when you were a free bird gorging on your chicken tikka with its juice running down your greasy fingers, looking positively primitive and wide-eyed but feeling blissfully satiated inside. You didn’t have to worry about who’s looking unlike now when that strand of mozzarella cheese from your slice of pizza, stretches back playfully and gently smacks your chin or decide not to to eat those onion rings with those juicy kebabs because you know you’ll obsessively think about it later when you’re making out. 

Eating out with your SO isn’t the breezy affair you thought it would be. 

Dining out is another ball game, which you will lose, altogether. The two of you set out in high spirits for some good food and drinks. Things start getting mildly awkward when the waiter’s back the second time at your table to take your order but your doubtful better half with their brow furrowed are still studiously contemplating the starters and looking decidedly less love angelic by the second. Once they’ve finally figured out what they want, the waiter is in no mood to acknowledge your raised hand even though you’ve seen him looking at it side-eyed.

Making peace with your partner’s food issues.  

It’s a vicious cycle and there’s no way out. You’ll have to agree to disagree and make compromises and deal with indecision but you forget all about it once you both enthusiastically want ice-cream in the middle of the night and snuggle up to share it.