We’ve tried and namedropped some of those. Here are 14 of the worst Bollywood plotlines of ALL TIME –

1. Aabra Ka Daabra

A Hogwarts rip-off. The evil principal, Rang Birangi, abducts Hari Puttar’s father. Guess he has a mission now. But there’s also a carpet quidditch and invisibility pill for some reason. And there’s too much – ParleG, Camel Oil Pastel, Camel Pencil etc. The film is actually an ad for the sponsors that also happened to be a film. 

2. Chori Chori Chupke Chupke

Raj & Priya are looking for a surrogate mother. They hire a prostitute named Madhubala. Priya then emotionally blackmails him to have sex with Madhubala because, of course, THIS is how you get the surrogate mother pregnant. One thing leads to another, Madhubala ends up asking Priya, “MUJHE APNA PATI DEDO”.

3. Taarzan: The Wonder Car

Sexy car possessed by the dead father’s vindictive spirit ventures out alone in the night to kill his enemies while also helping his alive son get some action with his girlfriend.

4. Dil Ka Rishta

Jai loves Tia, but she loves Raj. Later, Raj dies in an accident because, you know. Then Tia has a major memory loss. To help her, Jai tells Tia that her son with Raj is actually her nephew and that she’s her son’s AUNT. Later, when Tia actually falls for him, he starts maintaining distance because Jai has no grip on life.

5. Judaai

There’s nothing more ridiculous than Sridevi as Kajal in Judai. She’s obsessed with the idea of leading a wealthy life. The woman sells her husband for crores, then wants him back because she realises she’s lost something that’s called family. Oh, and she gets him back too because that’s just how Bollywood movies work.

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6. Dil Hai Tumhaara

Two-step sisters in love with the same man. Upon realising the scenario, both are TOO ready to sacrifice their love for the other, yet no one bothers to ask what TF the man wants.

7. Prem Aggan

Fardeen Khan sporting an opaque expression, reads out a terrible script where the heroine’s wealthy father seeks to separate her from the hero because he wants her to marry another rich dude. Oh, and there are lots of double innuendoes for no particular reason.

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8. Mujhse Dosti Karoge!

Two childhood lovers manage to grow their relationship online for an entire decade without sharing photos. When the dude comes back to India, he falls for the prettier lady without realising it was her friend who’d been talking to him. In his defence, the girl was chatting in her name. One reality check and sindoor ki shakti later, the email lovebirds get married, and Bollywood gets its happily ever after. 

9. Karzzz

A sinking ship that has added extra ‘Zs’ for buoyancy but it descends into oblivion, regardless. The name change is the only thing original about this movie, or one should call it Karz rip-off. This movie is proof of why remakes should be banned.

10. Teri Meherbaniyan

This movie does not have the cliche hero saves the day situation. Rather, the dog saves the say. In fact, both hero and heroine DIE. The dog, having witnessed the horrific murders, sets out like an assassin seeking vengeance.

11. Khoon Bhari Maang

Plastic surgery turns a crocodile-injured woman with a big birthmark into a woman without a birthmark, yet no one recognises her, and she’s able to exact her revenge.

12. Jaani Dushman: Ek Anokhi Kahani

Shoddy VFX and crappy dialogues lead a naag to avenge the passing of his re-incarnated nagin.

13. Rudraksh

With VFX so bad, they’re actually hilarious, this movie follows a bunch of scientists, obsessed with deeper mysteries. They come to India and conduct experiments on ‘PAGAL’. Then, a healer dude comes to their aid. He discovers a VFX rudraksha with supernatural powers, only the villain wants to use it to be more evil. They fight, fly, there’s all-powerful rat, and the film loses its plot.

14. Raja Ki Aayegi Baaraat

This movie could be a perfect plot for a Hindi TV serial. It hates women. A dude rapes the woman, and to punish HIM, the court decides that HE must marry her because who else would. He and his family then do everything in their power to humiliate, torture, and essentially kill her with treachery, snake bites, and gas explosion only for all of them to have a change of heart and the woman to FORGIVE them all because that’s what she ought to.

Are you alright? Reading these must’ve been nothing less than a headache. May heaven save you, if you’ve watched any of them.