And then your stomach tells you to take a shit, and so life continues as usual. That is the dance we all do for most of our lives; whether we are any good at it or not is frankly irrelevant.

But every now and then, someone slightly more ‘enlightened’ in the ways of the world will tell you, ‘Do what you love, do what makes you happy, and you won’t have to work a day in your life.’ 

I have personally never acknowledged this in my three decades but I really want that person to shit on their hands and clap. See, what I love, what most of us love is not having to get up from the bed before we get our F***ING 8 hours of sleep. 

But I can’t do that now, can I? Cos I gotta hustle. Because apparently I am supposed to. I am not supposed to take breaks or vacations unless I am sick or dying or my parents are dying or some shit. 

Mostly, I just want to take the day off to do absolutely fooking nothing… probably watch Euphoria maybe, see what the fuss is about. 

But we can’t do that without feeling guilty about it, can we? That’s how we have been conditioned since we were kids. There were always some kid’s parents going, “Oh, our son learnt the piano during the summer vacation.”

Oh, how I wished that piano fell on your foot, Sankalp, you little shit!

Sorry, I am getting sidetracked here. My disdain for Sankalp and his passive-aggressive parents knows no bounds. Anyhow, you can’t really do what makes you happy and still get paid for it. 

Because if you are getting paid for it, some a**wipe is paying you, which means they think they own your life and as such will stop at nothing to make you miserable. 

And when I say, they think they own your life, that is not an exaggeration. Because they want you at their beck and call even after your 8 hours. Because if you don’t, someone else will and so you feel bound to take that call. And so that cycle keeps repeating. 

I will give you an example from my line of work because I am afraid I can’t speak intelligently about yours. So, I am very passionate about comic books and film adaptations etc. On most days that means I go to the theatre, watch all the characters that I read about as a child, on-screen and generally have a good time. 

Look, it’s great that I can make a living out of it but there’s just no possible scenario where I want to write 10 times Chris Pratt proved he’s awesome. No, he’s not awesome. That’s Andy Dwyer. Crisp Rat’s a homophobic dickhead, who literally dissed his own kid from his first marriage for not being healthy. That’s a dick. 

But in a few months, I am gonna have to watch Guardians of the Galaxy 3 and write about my favourite Star-Lord moments, irrespective of if the jackass dies or not.  Mark my words, it will happen and when it does, I am going to hyperlink it here for the poor bored idiots who have managed to reach an entirely unrelated part of this rant. 

See, what I mean. Take another example- Say, you love Bollywood and everything about it. But there’s just no world where you want to be reading or researching what it exactly meant when they said Ayushmann Khurrana likes drinking his wife’s breast milk. Even writing that makes me cringe. I don’t wanna judge but I don’t nearly get paid enough not to. 

Hell, take another one- when Amitabh Bachchan made Pink, we all went so gaga about what a feminist man Big B is. Oh, and that letter he wrote to his granddaughters about their choices… oh, what a man. Except, we all know it’s just  f***ing PR. 

I mean, the dude once said ‘if rape was inevitable, you should just lie down and enjoy it’. And that was like 20-30 years go. But it is what it is. Liberalism sells and so we must dress in our best outfits and knock on your doors waking your up from your afternoon naps. 

I am almost 30. I know, for a fact that Harry Potter books are so mid and most Harry Potter fans haven’t read any other book after they finished reading the J.K Rowling chronicles. But last year was 20 years of Potter and I am pretty sure I wrote something about it despite loathing Rowling for being a known transphobe. 

You gotta do what you gotta do. 

I will even give sports examples. In my very short career, I must have written about 15 different tribute pieces to MS Dhoni, because you suckers fall for it every time. I literally just say things like, ‘he gave us hope and all that’ and you all start bawling. Like WTH, grow up, bro. 

So I must write. I will write one again on his birthday. Hell, Ganguly’s birthday is a day after Dhoni’s. Maybe I will write about how July gave India its best captains. 

Maybe I will even write a listicle about Ganguly being such a badass despite recent evidence pointing in the exact opposite directions because you poor sods would eat out of my hands for emotional crap like that. 

Work sucks your soul harder than a dementor with a boner. I wouldn’t know though, having sold mine a while ago. My point is, don’t do what you love as a profession if you actually love it. Do your job, pay your rent, and if you have some ancestral wealth, then feel free to follow your passion. If not, I will see you on Monday, 9 AM sharp.