As an avid social media user, I often find myself scrolling through Twitter when my day starts. While usually, it’s a random trend of a funny tweet that catches my attention, today I stumbled upon a Twitter thread that was, sadly, all too familiar.
A journalist brought attention, via a Twitter thread, to a “small” but frequent incidence for women using public transportation.
Small thread on a small, common incident.
— Tanishka Sodhi (@tanishka_s2) March 23, 2022
Noticed half way in the metro journey this evening that 2 men, sitting diagonally opposite me, kept staring at me. I looked away + looked back a few times to check, and they were still looking.
Much like any other woman, she tried almost every trick in the book (of absurd-things-you-need-to-do-as-a-woman) to feel a little secure in the uncomfortable situation.
I got out at my station and unsurprisingly, they got off there too, behind me. I raced down, but they were not far behind. Instead of heading towards my exit, I just stood in a corner, waiting for them to go.
— Tanishka Sodhi (@tanishka_s2) March 23, 2022
I wasn't panicking but had absolutely no strength to get into a verbal spat with them or worse, experience the fear that would inevitable follow if I would walk towards my exit, where they were standing.
— Tanishka Sodhi (@tanishka_s2) March 23, 2022
She rushed to the authorities for help when nothing made these two stalkers budge.
She said that she had changed compartments in the metro because of how inappropriately they were looking at her. And that as soon as she saw me talk to the police, she figured it would be the same reason.
— Tanishka Sodhi (@tanishka_s2) March 23, 2022
Anyway, he walked with me to the exit and walked down with me too. The men had disappeared by then. Cop told me I'm like his sister but I should speak up as soon as something happens, next time.
— Tanishka Sodhi (@tanishka_s2) March 23, 2022
Unfortunately, we’ve all been in a similar scenario when you’re stuck in a really unpleasant situation and have no idea how to get out of it. If you confront someone, there’s a good chance you’ll get an utterly unashamed response. Kyuki sirf dekh hi toh rahe the, right?
It's hard to tell when it can escalate. Navigating public spaces as a woman means you inevitably stay on alert, always, and choose the battles you want to fight. It is exhausting.
— Tanishka Sodhi (@tanishka_s2) March 23, 2022
It’s always a question of whether it’s too soon to say anything or too late to react.
Thank you for reaching out + empathising! I really did think of this as a small incident as this is nowhere close to the worst that has happened to me or any other woman. Plus I was ok today, and not shaken up or anything 🙂
— Tanishka Sodhi (@tanishka_s2) March 23, 2022
The incident’s commonality prompted many women on Twitter to relate to the journalist’s ordeal and to share their own.
Some users even resorted to the classic “quick fixes”, claiming that it is women who need to be “extra” cautious and armed in public spaces.
Personal lesson for me as a man from this threa is to try to stand between the men and the woman they are harassing and to look in the eyes of those men indicating that someone is watching their behavior. Men are responsible for this problem, men should help fix it!
— Ketan Palshikar (@palshikar) March 23, 2022
As a father of two little girls it worries me a lot😐. Can’t women even claim the right to public spaces? Not sure what needs to change in the society, but something must. Extremely disturbing incident.
— Subhash Rout (@subby78) March 23, 2022
As a kid, I learned Taekwondo and Karate. It does evoke a sense of self-confidence, I agree. This, however, does not give me the courage to retaliate. After being stuck in multiple situations like this and worse, I keep thinking of the consequences that would follow. Maybe other women feel the same.
The first thing to change is the thinking that a female is the weaker of the species.
— NARAYAN RAO (@NARAYANRAO12) March 24, 2022
Teach your daughters self-defense.
It will not only give them the wherewithal to retaliate if required , it will also give them tremendous self-confidence.
IDK why one has to arm themselves as if they are going for a battle and not to their workplace. There’s nothing normal about it. While, as a man, all one has to worry about is stepping out first when the metro train reaches the station. And women, on the other hand, should be worried about not getting harassed and taking out the swiss knife at the right time?
It’s why I bought my sister a Swiss Army Knife (Victorinox Forester, which has a clip/lock on the main knife so it won’t snap shut on your fingers), a stun baton & mace spray when she was in Delhi. The first two cause issues at security screenings tho. Sorry about your experience
— Rohyt Deb (@thehindenbug) March 23, 2022
Happens in Mumbai too all the time. Late 90s in a bus in Thane, someone followed me from train to the bus. Sat next to me. I finally spotted a guy from my building in the bus, called him loudly and sat next to him. I was 17. It was 9 PM after tuitions. I still shudder thinking
— Shilpa (@shilpakolte) March 24, 2022
I am really sorry you had/have to face this. I also wish somebody had had noticed it and did something about it.
— Vidur Singh (@winn3r_wins) March 23, 2022
I usually just stand in between, to break the line of sight. 😁
Once they know they are being observed by others, they stop.
Good you shared this. It is nerve racking experience and really not a small one. Men rarely understand this kind of non physical attack abd then they just mouth sister mother euphemism.
— chitra vishwanath (@chitrav) March 23, 2022
This is not a small insignificant issue !
— Saadiya ahmed (@Saadiya89) March 23, 2022
This is the point where maximum attention & emphasis should be given by policy makers & state & central govt, implementing it thru police..
Every law of this country is made on post crime..
Where is the pre-crime deterent measures?!
As a man this is completely new for me. I never knew females have to go through this a lot of the time. Public places have increasingly become more unsafe.
— Mohsin Khan (@mohsinkhan025) March 23, 2022
You’ve explained that fear so well. And yes, what’ll you tell a cop? “they’re looking at me”? And even if the cop does confront them, you know what their response will be. Very tricky situation, and one that women handle on a daily basis. You were lucky. Perhaps some are not?
— Observor (@observor123) March 23, 2022
So relatable. And yes our gut instinct is so honed by the age of ten that the reflex can’t even be ignored.
— Sangita (@Sanginamby) March 24, 2022
What the Twitter user described is far from a “small” incidence; her choice of words indicates the incident’s universality rather than its triviality.
On a daily basis, almost every woman I know, as well as myself, navigate through metro trains, stations, and any other public space as though attempting to avoid every possible chance of harassment. To be honest, you instinctively stay on high alert in almost every space from a young age as a result of instances like these or even worse.
Even if you use every tactic you’ve been taught, it’s still hard to avoid it. It’s never that simple to get to college or the office. It entails constantly checking if your clothes are “decent” enough, keeping a “safe” distance from others, and always being aware of who is standing next to you. The entire procedure is incredibly exhausting.
My friend once told me that one of her friends had given her pepper spray to keep her safe. That is just upsetting. I understand the intent, but it also serves as a reminder that we must be “well-equipped” in order to have even basic safety.
But why do we need to keep looking over our shoulders, call the cops every time something happens, or urge our male friends and siblings to accompany us every time we step out?
In a civilised society, there is nothing normal about lack of safety for a specific gender. For any woman, the world shouldn’t seem like a battlefield. And we shouldn’t be concerned if we’re armed with the suitable “weapons” in our handbags, to fight this everyday battle. Is it too much to ask?