So Women’s Day is over. And such, it is time to treat the fairer sex the way they are accustomed to. Or, what will be the point of Women’s Day? 

If everyday was your birthday, would your actual birthday be special? Na..uh..uh!

So why do you think women would like you to treat them the same way? I mean, Christ, have some decency, man. Get back to normal, bro. 

Go home, set your mother’s alarm for 6 AM. You can still be helpful as a man should. Maybe, she has a backache, So, don’t let her bend as much, just hand her the jhaadu and she knows what to do. There’s no need to micro-manage. That you can save for your house-help later. 

And if the breakfast she cooks (Aur kaun banaega lol), is not up to the mark, it’s acceptable to let her know. Don’t scream at her. Just tell her, she doesn’t really know how to cook. But the important thing is to be polite. Maybe, you can also be passive-aggressive and just hand her a cookbook. 

Better yet, cook once. And tell her how much better you are at this than she is. It’s okay to completely ignore that she does it every day and you did it only once. I mean, after all, it’s her job and you are only trying to make a point, educate. #EducationForWomen 

Oh, and speaking of education, your sister probably needs to learn a lesson. Thoda fatshame kar do. It’s acceptable if you share blood. The feminists disagree, obviously, but they disagree to almost everything, those vultures, always spreading their propaganda of how MeN & wOmEn ArE cReAtEd EqUaL. 

How are we equal, huh? I can walk around shirtless. LMAO. BURN! Also, also, if we are created equal, does that mean I can hit girls? Huh. huh? Answer that, feminists. 

And what is this whole nonsense about equal pay for equal work? I am a man. I have to support a family. Don’t you have a man to already do that for you? 

See, when we say we all love strong women… even the feminist men say that BTW… we mean, women who have 8 hands and basically do the work of the gods, like bear children, cook and clean, love their in-laws, are educated but value family more, and agree with us on everything. 

Now, at this point, I assume you are ready to cancel me and that is precisely why you don’t have a man. Good lord, woman. Watch some videos of Ben Shapiro or Joe Rogan or our supreme intellectual overlord Dr Jordan Peterson. 

These men will tell you what we all want, how we can be a utopian society. Why do you want to even protest everything? They don’t have enough sunscreen to stop that tan. And trust me, nobody likes too much melanin. I mean, *in Chandler Bing’s voice* haaave you even read a matrimonial website? 

Look, we are men and we want to be strong and protective but you have to trust us and not cross proverbial Laxman Rekhas. We all know what happened there, don’t we? Bad shit happens when you don’t listen to us. 

Think about it. When your dad wants you back in the house before 7 in the evening, it’s to protect you from bad guys, and vampires. That is important to note. When we want you to cover up, it’s because we want people to not look at you the wrong way. 

And I for one, will never understand this newfound enthusiasm for sex. Good lord, most of you can’t even orgasm. What’s the f***ing point, HAHA? 

Look, Women’s Day is fine. One day of the year, you celebrate. We will fuss over you. We will tweet about it. We will say nice things about our mothers and sisters and other people’s girlfriends. Brands will sell products in your name, even though all your hygiene products are so bloody expensive, ughh! Almost as if they designed it after your pricey ass. 

But all that shit’s over now. You can be individuals in relation to us. You should be happy with what you have. I mean, I wish I could talk about some fair punishment but I have been told that should come with a trigger warning. Wow, we can do it but we must warn you first before talking about it? That seems stupid. 

Okay, then. Mummy ne khana bana dia hai. Gotta go. Kbai.