It feels like this isn’t the 21st century anymore. Already, the world couldn’t care less about women’s reproductive health. Now, they are depriving women of bodily autonomy as well. How low this can get?
Now, let’s talk about India. If you’re an Indian woman and you’re a little hesitant about making a visit to a gynecologist, it won’t be a surprise because some doctors out there love moral policing.
She took me behind a curtain and said to me, “Your mother is outside this room, be honest with me so I can treat you appropriately, are you sexually active?” I said yes, she asked if I used protection I said yes and I also test for STI/STDs every 6 months. She proceeded to judge me and say “You are doing all this, are you at least intending to marry this person,” to which I just nodded. I walk out of the curtain and my mother was right there, extremely furious, she goes on to prescribe hormonal birth control and we leave.
-u/Stunning_Vacation_27
Naturally, women find it intrusive and offensive to talk about their marital status with the gynecologist. Because how is marital status even related to being sexually active or not? How does it matter whether I am married or unmarried if your follow-up question is going to be about my sex life anyway?
Well, this Doctor on Twitter has an answer that didn’t really gel with most people.
All these lovely 'woke' women tweeting about being offended by the question, "are you married," asked by their ObGyn, let me tell you something as a doctor. Martial status is imperative in the diagnosis and treatment of a patient, especially in OBG. (1/n)
— dr_veeprakash (@dr_veeprakash) June 28, 2022
But first, WTF is ‘lovely woke women’? Condescending much? Honestly, ‘lovely woke women’ wish to understand the relevance and get treated without prejudices.
We don't subject every woman to super progressive questions because you see, in our country, not everybody is *woke* like you. We do whatever is needed and what is best for our patient. (3/n)
— dr_veeprakash (@dr_veeprakash) June 28, 2022
Also, I forgot to add that marital history is just a part of the entire history which also includes presenting complaints, past/drug/menstrual/obstetric history etc it is the format so we don't miss out on anything. Would you get offended to tell us what meds you take as well?
— dr_veeprakash (@dr_veeprakash) June 28, 2022
Some people agreed with the Doctor’s explanation.
Good.
— dagalti (@dagalti) June 28, 2022
That is the polite way to ask anyway.
It would be horribly rude to ask ‘are you sexually active?’ , right off the bat, to an unmarried lady.
The onus of clarifying should always be on those who deviate from the norm.
Brilliant thread. Please ignore stupid people who want to morally police everything around then which is even a non-issue. https://t.co/krtlXYlbq2
— Nihilist (Fan of Kartik Aryan) (@The_Lost_Poet_) June 29, 2022
All this outrage on doctors for simply doing their best in giving you a better treatment. If you have so much problems then don’t go to a doctor.. simple😊 https://t.co/qbdKcH65zb
— Divya (@Kkkdivyaa) June 29, 2022
Amazing thread. Highlights the importance of history taking in medical science. Unlike activism, in our field, there is a need to know thoroughly about the patient by taking a detailed history which includes personal history as well. 👍😊
— #TheGutFeeling (@Gasbuster_AM) June 29, 2022
So true. My mom is a Gynaecologist and has often pointed out the importance of why they ask things in a certain way.
— Manas (@manas8998) June 28, 2022
They are actually trying to not make the patient who are from different kinds of backgrounds feel uncomfortable in the initial few questions itself. https://t.co/QTj4keQzMn
Don’t appreciate the terrible connotation of ‘woke’ when people are asking something out of genuine concern about something that seems to be really problematic. Especially in the 21st century!
After going through the replies and QTs of this thread, all I can say is, the next topic that the wokes would be offended on, would be that the OBGYN asked their gender.
— Dr Shivam ‘da’ (@angryoldman27) June 29, 2022
“Did you just assume my gender, just bcoz I am pregnant?” https://t.co/9qvzU6imfJ
Doctors aren’t crystal ball gazers. When we go for consultation/periodic check up, it’s important to provide relevant information. Otherwise given the doc-patient ratio in India, they don’t have time to be curious about our life. https://t.co/erUSUzeiLl
— Dreamer 2.0 🌻🧚♀️🌻 (@Oneirology11) June 29, 2022
Thank you for saying this.
— Dr. Manish Kumar मनीष कुमार منیش کمار (@drmanishranchi) June 28, 2022
It is sickening, i have to ask about periods, children everything. It is important.
Why is ‘are you married’ offensive? While as ‘tell me your sexual history’ is not? I don’t even know how to as the latter in Hindi without offending 99% of my patients!
Several others argued that the Doctor completely missed the point and didn’t address the concern at large. How is marital status medically related to a diagnosis?
nowhere in her lengthy thread does she explain why obgyns need to know about marital status. why is it so difficult for u to treat women as individuals patients ??? women come to u for medical care, yet you judge them based on their sex lives and relationship status https://t.co/4oS7buJASb
— 🐦 (@femvlvts) June 29, 2022
A prime example of how to beat around the bush without actually explaining your point.
— Nia 💌 (@sleepyhollowkid) June 29, 2022
This is how students who haven’t studied for their exams and don’t even know the subject being tested write their answers.
Pls, marital status is not important. https://t.co/H7p5EN8uU3
They are judgmental. The raised eye brow, remarks such as, “if you choose to live like this”. The point is- just ask straight up- are you sexually active? And move on. Why add an extra presumptive question at the beginning? https://t.co/genc1ro5Pp
— simrita (@SimritaTakhtar) June 28, 2022
Um no it's not. Tell everyone in simple words how would your diagnosis or treatment change on the basis of marital status, or else stop 'woke' shaming people for calling out the patriarchal mindset in medical community. https://t.co/3oSUOEGjp0
— niffler bug (@Goblin_liaison) June 28, 2022
With all due respect doctor, you say there’s a vast list for asking marital status but don’t name one. Instead you say not everyone is woke.
— Shrads (@shradziebees) June 28, 2022
Im asking as a patient who thought this question was odd and had a gynac who made me feel horrible for having protected sex.
I’m married and I can tell you there is absolutely no medical reason for asking a woman whether she is married except to learn about her sexual history – a question that ought to be asked outright. Also, as someone who suffers from pcod, I can also attest to the fact + https://t.co/W62GK4oMFC
— Radhika Jhaveri (@radhikachemical) June 29, 2022
With due respect Dr. A large number ofwomen share their experiences of visiting doctors and body shaming and several other issues.
— ⚘️AnuMeera⚘️ (@AnuMeera2024) June 28, 2022
We are not ” lovely ‘woke’ women ” we are women patients objecting to what we go thru routinely.
Your patronizing tone is a part of this problem
made a whole fucking thread about it and still didn’t answer the question https://t.co/Frf4o7vDhi
— a (@4SHlSH) June 29, 2022
All these gynacs on twitter just further proving why we feel uncomfortable approaching them, great job ♥️ https://t.co/eK11UoGm76
— moom (@luna_del_reyyy) June 29, 2022
The number of times I have gone for an ultrasound,to get a pregnancy test,to a gynaec for my fertility issues/pregnancy over the years…no one, absolutely no one asked me if I was married. I don’t see why it is necessary.Treat the damn patient objectively and stop trashing women https://t.co/Cb8tQFFY1n
— Sakshi Narula (@mssakshinarula) June 29, 2022
Except, nothing in this thread elaborates on why asking about marital status is ‘imperative’, esp for medical reasons.
— Deepa Kumar (@dipaah) June 29, 2022
The only time, imo, it matters to ask if a patient at an OB-GY is married is when there’s risk/doubt of marital abuse https://t.co/WIdnmqgsNH
There are doctors who ask your sexual history status without assuming marriage. There are doctors who shame patients for being unmarried and sexually active. Marital status can be an add on/context question but not an “imperative” https://t.co/eNt9QuwTYm
— Deepti Sreeram (@SreeramDeepti) June 29, 2022
Worst days for women these days. And we thought we are getting progressive as a society. First #abortionlaws in the US and now these things in India. https://t.co/dVydhmaTY1
— S (@SugunaDew) June 29, 2022
This doc has tweeted multiple times ‘there is reason for asking marital status. But too busy to elaborate now’
— Sushma Mahabala (@Sushmahabala) June 29, 2022
Wonder why tweet the same 20 times instead of just posting the top 3 reasons!
Last Gyn asked marital status followed by qns on sex life. Her tone was non judgemental+ https://t.co/IRTeMsoKqC
The problem is this patronising tone. Why would I want to go to a doctor that starts her thread with lovely ‘woke’ women? You’re my doctor. I’m trusting you with some very personal and important things. Why the malice? https://t.co/3Y2XC4Nlhm
— Confusedicius (@Erroristotle) June 29, 2022
Some doctors even agreed that there are gynecologists who actually judge women for being sexually active.
And as far as being judgemental is concerned, I have seen fairly enough ObGyns tell me about their cases with horribly judgy tones. So it may be true for you, but as a doctor you shouldn’t invalidate the experience a patient has had.
— Gorangi (@narcissisting9) June 28, 2022
I mean in my internship, I have seen my OBG consultant literally judge an unmarried girl ,for being sexually active in her 20s. Or blaming & mocking poor women for multiple pregnancies when most of them have no agency in that decision. Our profession has a long way to go!!
— Mayank Goyal (@MayankG06911705) June 28, 2022
Women feel uncomfortable in answering questions about marital status to their gynecologists because there are doctors who wear moral lenses of patriarchy and judge them for absolutely nothing.
If you’re somebody who is still skeptical about whether there are judgmental doctors at all. Here, read some people sharing their first-hand experiences.
Y’all talking about how accessible sexual health services are in India when I’m a cis-woman in a metro city whose every gynaec visit has consisted of doctors unwilling to even question if I have an active sex life. Healthcare is barely available and where it is, it’s inaccessible
— Mona Lisa ✨ // Renaissance (@preyoncex) May 4, 2022
Firstly, isn’t virginity a social construct? Secondly, how does it become an impediment in our way to get a treatment?
My last gynaec was full of judgment because due to my being an unmarried woman, she refused to check me for a UTI despite my reassurance of it being okay. The assumption of morality and virginity is so rampant in India that going to a gynaec is just never worth it https://t.co/yTyh3HszlX
— The end times are here (@sanaonearth42) July 8, 2020
Women’s reproductive health needs hell lot of attention.
I got a patient ear, and more initiative and knowledge and help from a dermatologist than gyanecologists for a recurring infection. All I learned struggling from one gynaec to another, is that most of them in India are in the business of childbirth. Not women’s health.
— Sharada (@suitcaseindian) December 2, 2020
Marriage in no way implies the extent of our sexual activities.
This is a huge problem in India. I remember I was made to feel so uncomfortable when I visited a gynaec at a govt hospital in Delhi as a university student. I was having lower abdomen pains. The way the doctor (a senior doctor) asked me questions was so uncomfortable. ++ https://t.co/y6O0omlxkp
— Rachna (@RS_dilli) October 30, 2019
The answer to everything is “get married”. The extremely judgemental, ignorant and unprofessional gynaecologists ensure women don’t go to one, even less than usual. #MyGynaecStory
— Mahima Kukreja (@AGirlOfHerWords) November 5, 2019
‘Been naughty?’ That’s not even funny. We respect your time crunch. We also come for diagnosis and not remarks likes these.
Visiting a Gynaec as a single woman, I was asked if I had “been naughty”. Matlab kya, Aunty? Did I steal candy from your reception? She spoke more like gali waali gossip Aunty than a doc.
— PratishthaKhan (@pratishthakhan) November 5, 2019
Fortunately, I have found good docs who focus on healing, not probing. #MyGynaecStory