We can all recall times when we let our best friend pour their heart out post a breakup.
Disclaimer: Some of the images or experiences shared can be disturbing or triggering. Reader discretion is advised.
Often times, we hear people saying, “Why didn’t they tell us they were suffering?” And the answer is, there are always signs, it’s just that we aren’t paying attention.
There are instances when you do not recognise the indirect (often non-verbal) signals of them seeking help, and you will only realise this after it is too late.
With the help of a Reddit thread, we’ve put up a handy book of the most common but little-known signs of people crying for help, which you may use to guide your mental health understanding.
1. “When someone is constantly busy so they don’t give themselves time to think.”
2. “Purposely avoiding sad and difficult topics. Sometimes when a person is constantly feeling like shit the last thing they want to do is bring up more negativity when hanging out with people they enjoy being around. Oftentimes being with friends/family can be a brief escape from always feeling awful and so bringing up negative topics can ruin this feeling of escape and make the depression feel never-ending and suffocating. Maybe they took weeks to tell you they failed a test or even dropped out of school. Maybe you randomly hear from someone else that their dog died. Maybe they always switch the radio station from the news to pop songs. Could be anything big or small; usually multiple things.”
3. “Joking about self harm / suicide.”
4. “Marked differences in behaviour where the person becomes way more positive and energetic than normal. We tend to think of these sorts of changes as being good, but any sudden and large enough change in behaviour is something you need to keep an eye on. This is especially true if they are going from a very negative pattern of thinking/behaviour into an uber-positive one very quickly. Usually, those “now I feel like I can conquer the world” changes are the precursor to suicide attempts and the like.”
5. “Asking questions such as “would you visit me in the hospital” or similar questions.”
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6. “Sleeping. People sleep more when they are avoiding a person/issue, when they are depressed, and when they are physically sick. In the case of someone who is high energy, and suddenly they have none is a big heads up, too.”
7. “When they start cutting off contact. That outgoing, happy person suddenly “Just isn’t up to it,” or “Maybe some other time,” then something is wrong. Also if they stopped caring about their physical appearance.”
8. “Day dreaming tooooo much, or way harsher on themselves.”
9. “A reduction in food consumption. I’ve found when I’ve fallen down the hole and I just stop caring anymore I don’t eat anywhere near as much as I normally do. Instead of having the standard 3-4 meal things a day I’ll be lucky to convince myself to have 2 as I simply don’t care anymore.”
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10. “Phrases like “I just don’t care any more” or “nothing matters any more.”
11. “Nah, I’m fine.”
12. “The person stops caring about their appearance and neglects their hygiene and grooming, because in their mind they are thinking: “that it doesn’t matter since no one likes them anyway, that they don’t deserve to be clean or that it won’t make their lives better, so why bother.”
13. “Giving a lot of personal possessions away without wanting anything in return.”
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14. “Bad decisions looking for short term happiness with no regard for how it will damage their life in the long run.”
15. “Gamer all of a sudden no longer games? Gardener let his plants die? Social butterfly now hides in a cave?”
16. “Reaching out and being overly nice to friends both close and casual with the hope that they will reciprocate and eventually ask them how they’re doing, so that when they open up it’s not about being a burden but because they were prompted to do so.”
17. “Excessive drinking when they usually don’t.”
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18. “In my experience, becoming easily angry and argumentative has been a sign.”
19. “Extreme mood swings. It’s important to tenderly support someone displaying these as they probably don’t feel in control of them.”
20. “Not caring about things you used to get excited about, delaying plans with friends, turning normal easy conversations with friends to general small chat.”
21. “Oversharing and lack of filter goes hand in hand with depression.”
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22. “Suicidal or depressed people who suddenly become really happy and cheerful and who suddenly give gifts to their friends. I’ll never forget that box of chocolates that I got, considering it was a thank you for everything goodbye gift.”
23. “They become a robot, conversations are shallow and mechanically, they don’t go out any more, the spark is gone from their eyes. Life is just a list of boxes to check: shower, eat, drive, work, drive, home, eat, bed.”– 8Twine8
24. “I usually just try to disappear. I feel like a burden/embarrassment to my friends so I don’t bother them.”
25. “Creating issues within a relationship, so that they push the person away.”
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What are the other not-so-known signs of people crying for help you know of? Let us know in the comments below while you take care of yourself and the people around you.
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