Exploring love and relationships isn’t the easiest topic or feeling – there’s nothing black and white here. And, as we open ourselves to newer ideas, we explore more. And, polyamorous relationships are just one example how.
We definitely can’t say that it’s less complex with these ideas. After all, there are feelings involved, which are never not complex. It all comes down to what works best for oneself. But, it’s normal to have questions.
And, redditors have answered some by sharing how their polyamorous relationships started:
1. “I haven’t seen too many from this perspective. So, both my best friend and I pretty much fell for this one girl at the same time. Only, instead of the rivalry that might be expected between us, nothing happened. It just never occurred to us to compete with each other, and the girl didn’t see a problem dating both of us either. The whole relationship is just about as mutual as you can get. I guess, it helps that I basically love him as much as I love her, and it goes around like that. “
2. “My current relationship turned polyamorous when my partner realized that she was running out of time to have kids (a thing that I don’t have plans to do). So, she’s started a distance thing with one of her friends, who has the same views on marriage and kids as her.
There’s no jealousy here. Might be different if he lived closer. I’ve had other polyamorous
relationships in the past without having jealousy issues.”
3. “I’ve done it. When I was younger and more interested in sex and relationships it was fine and liberating. Polygamy is just as respectable and feasible as monogamy, if you ask me. But you need good communication. Then one day, it seemed that my personal growth was no longer tied to my relationships with my lovers. If anything, it became a bit hampered by that.”
4. “Mine started about 6 years ago. We are part of ‘alternative’ lifestyle and met another young lady who was crazy about us, and it was very casual at first but slowly grew – on the idea of making her a part of our lives indefinitely. There are always some rougher times with jealousy, but we’ve learned that open communication quickly puts an end to that.
We have a massive bed. And in our particular situation, the relationships are all intermingled together. We live together, eat together, etc. But the girls have their date/movie nights, and I have my time with them as well.”
5. “My wife and I were poly before meeting, we had some women we brought in from time to time, with mixed results. We really only made it polygamous when her best friend from university admitted that she had had a crush on my wife for 10 years (wife had a crush on her too), and that she had been interested in me but only met me after my wife and I started dating. It took some hand holding from the beginning, but we are a happy little family now.”
6. “My girlfriend and I just talked about the concept of polyamory one day, and when she brought it up I realized that I wasn’t opposed to the idea. I’d only had the one concept of a relationship taught to me through exposure, and once I learned there were other variations out there, I became interested.
It took some time to get used to. When I first saw her with someone, I had an initial rush of jealousy, but it was quickly replaced when I saw that she was happy and enjoying herself.”
7. “My husband and I started our polyamorous
relationship when we were 23. We are 27, and were married at 20. We spent three years just talking about being open. Before we were fully polyamorous, we had sexual encounters together with good friends. It was a slow, slow process. We talked about every little thing.”
8. “I was in a long distance relationship with a girl for a few years, it was good but lonely as they tend to be. I met a guy and she supported that, they get along great but don’t talk often. We consider ourselves polyamorous, though distance is still a problem. The times we have all been together worked fantastically though, and I truly look forward to our future together.”
9. “My husband and I were together for about 3.5 years. Then we hooked up with another couple at a party. That lead to us talking about how open we wanted our relationship to be. We decided to be sexually open, but soon realized that trying to control your feelings is really fucking hard. So we talked some more and decided to be polyamorous. There has been some jealousy, but not much and it mostly comes down to one of us feeling left out.”
10. “I dated someone who had a girlfriend (she knew), and found out I was cool with it. I identify as polyamorous now, though. I currently have 1 partner (I’ve had 3 at once, at one point)
some people can get jealous, which shouldn’t happen much if people are communicating and getting some time together.”
There’s no one successful relationship ‘style’. And, it’s important that we accept ideas – even if they do not work for us.
