For a woman, life is anything but easy. We’ll begin to face pressure about getting married and settling down with a ‘suitable’ man (whose ‘suitability’ has very little to do with the woman’s happiness) as soon as we cross the threshold of 25, is a truth most of us seem to have made our peace with. Some of us continue to battle the pressure, others cave at some point in their fight.
A man on Twitter told the world the heartbreaking story of one of his friends who was faced with this very pressure. And if you continue reading, you’ll notice how every last one of us knows someone or the other who’s been through this very fight.
Something’s been pinching me for some days now. Thought of letting it out of my system by sharing it here. Here goes…….
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
Usman Ghani’s former classmate, a highly intelligent and talented individual since back in school, was the kind of girl everyone votes as ‘Most Likely To Be Successful’. And yet, her journey, thanks to the pressures of matrimony, turned out to be one of dismay.
There was this girl in my school, back in 90’s. Brilliant, studious, hard working, very confident, a topper, a debater, a class prefect….
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
We were class fellows. She was the kind of girl with whom boys talked after rehearsing. Despite mad competition between us, we were friends.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
I guess the proudest moments of my school and college life were whenever I scored better than her in exams. Couldn’t beat her in confidence
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
We both chose engineering after college and graduated. I chose to work in an industry and she chose to pursue Masters in engineering.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
Later, she joined one of the best universities of the country as a lecturer in Engineering. That’s when her parents decided to marry her off
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
An arranged marriage in a well off family meant that she had to quit job & live as a house wife. This wasn’t all, guy was a college dropout.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
She resisted as much as she could. But after sometime, she agreed to everything saying, “my parents are too old& scared of me being single”.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
Parents, too old and too scared. That was the reason for this brilliant girl to give up all her dreams, her ego and her career.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
The guy was nearly an uneducated, spoiled brat of a business family who couldn’t stomach a woman having an education, or an opinion, or ego.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
In no time after her wedding she realized that he was verbally and physically abusive and his family supported and encouraged all this.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
But she kept quiet in the face of all abuse because her parents were too old and too scared.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
She had no money to spend on herself and her husband never bothered to give her a penny. She had already quit her job. So there was no way.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
Very recently she texted me that her husband had beaten her and given her talaaq twice and if after two times talaaq she could live with him
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
Shocked, I asked why would she live with a man so abusive and so insulting.
Her reply was, “My parents are too old…. sick and scared.”— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
Ghani, disheartened from what his friend and all her wasted potential went through, takes this chance to address people everywhere. To spread the message of independence and equality.
Girls! Your parents love you. But one day, they will be old, sick and scared. DO NOT QUIT YOUR CAREER FOR MARRIAGE.
Earn you own money.— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
It does not matter if you’re thirty or thirty five, do not marry, I say DO NOT MARRY a man you feel is unsuitable for you.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
Parents! One day, you will be old, sick and scared. Please raise your daughters as persons and not as commodity. Let them work and earn.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
Teach your girls to live on their own and never depend on a man for their survival. Do not force them to marry if there is no compatibility.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
Parents! Don’t panic if your girl is in 30’s & single. Let her pursue her dreams. Don’t blackmail your girl for marriage. This isn’t love.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
He doesn’t hold back when he urges every woman out there to follow her ambitions, regardless of societal pressure to retire to the duties of family life with a partner they didn’t choose.
Girls! Do not be blackmailed in the name of family, honor or parents. You are the ones who have to live with the man, YOU decide.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
And most importantly, he finished with a message for those bringing up the men of the world.
Parents! Teach your sons to respect women. Teach them that they’re marrying a human being and they’re equals. Let your daughter-in-law work.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
Usman hopes that him sharing his friend’s story will help more women speak out, and empower them and those that care about them to fight such matrimonial bullying that girls everywhere endure on a regular basis. And we sure hope he is right.