“Did you like it?” he asked. 

Although I was choking on the smoke, I kept my game together and let out the most delicate, almost-silent cough, ever. 

That was my first-ever cigarette puff. 

“It was fine,” I answered and took another drag. And another. And another. Till I was just about comfortable with the smoke in my system. 

This was 5 years and a bazillion cigarettes ago. 

A year into the habit, I would treat every cigarette of mine as a tool to increase my ‘cool quotient.’ 

I would buy myself a cigarette, lean against the wall in some shady corner and exhale clouds of smoke. With every stare and every ‘look-at-her-smoking’ comment that was whispered, I felt like a total badass breaking some kind of an unexplained rule.

I think it was more to do with how I felt liberated, every time I smoked. I felt like an adult, smart enough to call the shots in my life. If I could begin smoking at my own will, I could stop it whenever I wanted, right? 

It took me three years to realize that I was delusional. It was too late. And I couldn’t just snap out of the habit. 

Like every other smoker, I have tried to quit multiple times. Sometimes I need a Monday, sometimes I need a new diet and sometimes, I need a fellow smoker to accompany me in my agenda to quit. 

This time I took up the most cliched reasons of them all – a new year resolution!

“Give her a week, I bet 500 bucks” 

“No, give her 3 days. I’m betting a 500 too!“

Yep, my resolution has become the butt of all bets and I’m not surprised. I would’ve done this too had I been on the other side. 

I have been at the center of conversations where I have been dissed for taking a step towards a ‘new me’.

 I’m sorry but there’s not going to be a ‘new me’ in 2017. It’ll just be me with a new to-do list!

It’s been two days of fighting a habit that has been a toxic part of my life for half a decade. 

It is definitely going to be difficult. To top it all, it’s winter here in Delhi and it’s the toughest to resist cigarettes at this time of the year. 

They say that more than 90% of new year resolutions break within the first month and that is not a very comforting thought. But, after ages, I wasn’t struggling to catch my breath when I woke up today. 

This is just 48 hours into the regime!

To give myself yet another reason, I even calculated the amount of money that I could save as a result of quitting. 

I would be ₹ 20,000 richer if I stick to it, by the end of this year.  

Any smoker would agree that no reason is strong enough to survive once your body starts craving for nicotine. A constant headache, 5 cups of coffee and a packet of Orbit, that’s how I’ve lived through today. 

But smelling of smokes once I go back home isn’t on my mind and that’s satisfying. 

You’d say that it’s just been two days and that’s not enough. I know and so does everybody else who has taken up the same resolution.

It’s tough but not impossible and I’m going to try my best to win over it. 

I hope you do too!