Dad…

Thank you,

For that time you didn’t get your favourite coat to buy me my favourite toy.

For picking me up and dusting me off every time I fell from my bike.

For helping me with my homework even though you were tired.

And for being firm with me even though it broke your heart to do so.

For watching over me from afar.

Yet giving me the space to make my own mistakes and learn my own lessons.

For fearing for me yet never letting it show on your face.

For letting me face the world with your hand gently at my back.

And most importantly, for letting me be me.

I’m sorry,

If I ever hurt your feelings.

If I ever made you feel inadequate.

If I ever said that whatever you did for me wasn’t enough.

It was more than enough. I know. And I want you to know that too.

If I ever shouted at you.

If you stayed up worrying about me because I wouldn’t call.

If you ever felt disappointed. If ever you were ashamed.

For staying silent in your anger, so that I would realize the error of my ways and never stumble again.

I appreciate,

Every little thing you did for me. Things like carrying me on your shoulders.

Things like tying my shoe-laces and driving me to school.

Things like giving me your dessert every single time I asked for it.

Things like pushing me to try that sport I didn’t like. How’d you know I’d end up loving it?

Things like looking at my crayon doodle and pretending it was the most beautiful painting in the world.

Things like answering every single one of my stupid questions, even when it made you mad.

Things like drawing happiness from the fact that you could bring a smile to my face. You love it when I laugh, don’t you?

I understand,

Now that I’ve grown up a bit,

That all you did, you did for my sake.

You were strict because you wanted me to know that discipline is painful at first, but fruitful later.

You were patient in front of me even when you didn’t feel like it, so that I could look at you and imbibe this greatest of virtues.

You didn’t buy me that extra pair of skates that I wanted. You could have, but you didn’t.

I resented you. I didn’t speak to you. I held a grudge against you. But now I know why you did it.

How else would I have understood that in life, you don’t always get what you want?

You made me apologize when I didn’t want to and taught me humility.

You forgave my biggest blunders and taught me forgiveness.

You made me give away all my old toys to the maid’s child. And I learnt kindness.

You taught me how to live without fear and to give without expectation. And I’ll never forget that.

I hope,

That I can be the person you want me to be.

That I can take the lessons that you taught me and pass them on.

That one day, when I have children of my own,

I can be the rock on which they stand.

That I can be the wind beneath their wings.

That I can be the sun that brightens their lives.

Just like you.

That every now and then, I gather enough courage to tell you,

“Dad, I love you.”

– Suparn Pandey