Some time ago, the country was rocked by the mother of all bans, in the form of an all inclusive crackdown on websites not just streaming porn but even showing anything deemed slightly objectionable by the Kim Jong Uns of our country. And then there was a beef ban. And now some people want to ban a person for some Snapchat video he made. I mean, if they don’t like it, then it’s got to go, right? And since anything and everything is now ban-able, there’s a whole other list of mindless things that they should probably ban as well. Because it offends me. 

Here’s an extensive list of things India should ban pronto!

1. Ban bean bags. They make fart noises

Source – designswan

2. Ban colourful Macbook covers, because why hide what you truly are? (evil)

3. Ban naming your dog Snoopy

Source – freewords

4. Ban naming your son Mukesh

5. Ban driving below the speed limit in Delhi, it’s unnatural

Source – greendiary

6. Ban ‘Save Water’ campaigns

Nobody cares.

7. Ban walking around with shirt collars up, in public and in private

Better still, ban collared shirts.

Source – flickr

8. Ban toothy smiles, they exude false charm

9. Ban police checks after 11 PM

Source – nyt

10. Nobody should be allowed to drink in moderation

11. Ban the ban on illegal substances

12. Ban doing surya namaskaar in public

You think you’re better than us?

Source – indiatimes

13. Ban any music apart from Rock n Roll

Arrest those who listen to Hip Hop and Jazz.

14. Ban Asaram Bapu… from existence.

Source – wishesh

15. Ban debating whether Mumbai or Delhi is better

Both suck

16. Ban white chocolate

Yuck.

17. Ban milk muchhis

Reminds me of lukewarm Bournvita. Also, I don’t like milk.

Source – cdnds

19. Ban mosquitoes

20. Ban taking photos of your food

Name and shame those pricks

Source – kis925

21. Ban being passionate about travelling

Airports and railway stations make me sick.

22. Ban kissing with your mouth open

I’m single and I don’t want anybody rubbing their happy relationships in my face.

23. Ban giving money to beggars

Just.

Source – restonhomeless

24. Ban following your dreams

I don’t want anybody to be successful.

25. Ban becoming a doctor or a lawyer

Because I don’t want to listen to my parents.

26. Ban taking the metro to office

I don’t like metros. Or going to office.

Source – economictimes

27. Ban toys that look like penises

FuckingMinions.

Source – dhresource

28. Ban ugly people

29. Ban jeans in colours other than black or blue

Source – menfash

30. Ban white eyeliner

31. Ban self respect

It breeds morons.

32. Ban patriotism

It also breeds morons.

Source – apostleindia

33. Ban paying for stuff

34. Ban Tinder

If I don’t find a match, nobody finds a match.

Source – zimbio

35. Ban emoticons with hearts on them

36. Ban self help books

They didn’t help me.

Source – postcardsfrom

37. Ban pooping

It’s a waste of time

38. Ban angry aunties

Source – brit-asian

39. Ban getting old

40. Ban reading Harry Potter

It’s blasphemy.

41. Ban sharing song lyrics as FB statuses

Source – the10things

42. Ban the ‘Humans of New York’ FB page

43. Ban chai without milk

44. Ban giving advice to kids, they don’t listen anyway

45. Ban children below the age of 14

They’re of no use.

Source – shahirramplan

46. Ban repaying loans

47. Ban in-laws

48. Ban talking about the weather

Source – saviosen

49. Ban the concept of ‘God’

50. Ban singing ‘ Kiss From A Rose ‘ by Seal at karaoke

Source – wsrkfm

There’s no actualbasis for any of these really, but that’s how the country seems to be running anyway, so let’s go with it. If I don’t like it, I want it banned, just like the government.