Pregnancy makes you glow, it gives you the aura of the life-giving goddess that you are. But let’s be honest. Those of us who have been through a pregnancy know full well what the price of motherhood is. It is, to say the least, a nine-month struggle that ends with excruciating pain. Umm y’know… And a beautiful baby, but we’re not focusing on that right now.
Norwegian illustrator animator and mother of two, Line Severinsen has created a series of webcomics – Kos og Kaos, Cuddles and Chaos in English – that bring out the humour in all the labour before the labour.
1. When you drop something on the floor and walk away muttering “F**k it.”
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2. You can barely see the lower half of your body, let alone groom it.
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3. Everyone around you makes a sport of rubbing your belly.
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4. Lying on your back just makes you feel like a cow waiting to roll off the bed.
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5. And sex soon turns into his greatest fear.
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6. Stretch marks become so commonplace that you learn to own them like a boss.
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7. Your daily workout involves dashing to the bathroom ’cause the baby seems to think of your bladder as a squeeze toy.
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8. And all that kicking will make you wonder what martial art the foetus is practising in there.
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9. Reaching down, be it to tie your shoes or for an itchy toe, is just something you learn to forego. Time for slip-ons.
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10. The time for baby names is the time for everyone’s precious opinion on what a Natasha or a Tony “grows up to be like.”
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11. And you finally understand the true meaning of craving something. If you don’t see that chocolate soon enough, it’s all “release the Kraken.”
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12. You discover that sympathy pregnancies are a real thing. Your hot-piece-of-ass husband slowly joins you in cow-ville.
13. “Twice the nutrition, not twice the calories” they say. Do I look like a f**king superhero?
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14. It’s like having a non-existent pea under your mattress. Just can’t seem to get comfortable, can you Princess?
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15. Worst fear: Water breaking in public. Imagine the horror.
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16. And wishing everyone you meet could take a class in ‘What not to say to a pregnant woman.”
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17. You get so swollen everywhere that you start to feel like the Pillsbury Dough Boy.
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18. Nine months without alcohol. Birthdays, anniversaries, weddings suddenly become significantly less bearable.
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19. Sheer horror bringing you to tears as you watch birthing videos to prepare yourself.
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20. You’ll never know why the nurses show first-time dads the placenta. Maybe to put the fear of God and pregnant women in them.
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21. And don’t you just love those darling pregnancy hormones that make you feel like the glowing life-giving embodiment of femininity that you are. NOT.
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22. And the brutal pregnancy cramps in the middle of the night don’t make it all any easier.
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23. You learn to accept that your beach-bod dreams need to wait for now.
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24. And once you find out about placenta praevia – the possibility of the placenta blocking the baby’s neck – you can’t help but feel like a ticking time bomb.
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But all said and done, the chaos does make way for a lifetime of cuddles. And begrudgingly we admit that it’s worth it… What do you say, mothers?
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