What is wrong with the celebs these days? Someone’s going nude on camera while another is dating an old and ugly duckling right after a breakup? Did they think their immoral decisions about their own lives will be swept under the rug? LOL. Only cowards would scroll down the post if it offends them. Others, the bold souls like us, will viciously spew filth in the comment section like there’s no trash can at home. 

Here are the 10 larger-than-life issues that are plaguing my country right now.

1. Ranveer Singh’s bum 

Yep yep yep. Ranveer Singh hit the headline for days, if not weeks yet, for two big reasons: a) His uncovered bum in a photoshoot for Paper Magazine b) Wait, how can his wife Deepika be so chill about it? 

Guys, was this his real-life sequel to Befikre or what?

2. Alia Bhatt’s pregnancy 

No way. It was just another ploy to promote Brahmastra. Or wait, the second image in the post features lions, so I’m sure it’s about Shamshera. Okay, so you’re telling me that she got really pregnant within 3 months of marriage? I kid you not, this is how she retained Ranbir.

3. Sushmita Sen’s love life 

Oh no, Lalit Modi and Sushmita Sen’s public profession of love didn’t make me feel horrible about my nonexistent love life, at all. I mean, I am happy for them or whatever but nothing compared to the vicious thrill one gets in trolling a happy couple.

4. Karan Johar shamelessly discussing s*x on TV

Genuinely, he is making it so difficult for Desi parents to convince their kids that they were born via photosynthesis. While KJO’s films we grew up watching were the pinnacle of sanskaar, why does he the spunk, at 50, to discuss s*x in his show Koffee With Karan? Anyway, who drags bedroom talk to a couch…oh wait.

5. Virat Kohli’s form 

The nation has been handicapped by Virat Kohli’s performance. I mean just he has single-handedly robbed off my din ka chain and raaton ki neend because he isn’t hitting a century. 

The Indian Express

6. Kareena Kapoor’s rumoured pregnancy

Can’t you all see it? That’s a baby bump, one hundred percent. I combed through endless tweets (and memes of course), only for her to dismiss my theory? How disappointing ya, Bebo. 

The print

7. Marnus Labuschagne calling Sachin Tendulkar by his first name

How dare he? Marnus is half of Tendulkar’s age. Can’t he display an ounce of respect by referring to the G.O.A.T cricket as Sachin sir or perhaps Sachin uncle?? Don’t western parents teach culture to their kids?

India TV News

8. Shamshera’s failure

This is what you offer your ardent fans as your big comeback on the big screen, Ranbir? We will hate your Jagga Jasoos for not being a massy entertainer but we will also troll your Shamshera for being one.

The Economic Times

9. Kesariya’s love storiyaan

Tauba tauba saara mood kharab kar diya. 

ScoopWhoop

10. Farhan Akhtar’s blink-and-miss cameo in MCU’s Ms Marvel 

You see it as an Indian actor’s striking contribution to a superhit Marvel series and I see it as his pitiful 5-min-cameo, we are not the same bro.

Well, this was all in jest. Bold of you to assume that they aren’t attempting to keep you away from the real news by peddling these to you.