Marriage is sensitive to our culture, and hence, so is divorce. The idea of a couple separating is not exactly considered ideal, and so there is always scrutiny associated to it. How we treat marriage, and the end of a relationship is exactly where most problems stem from. The pressure involved in making it “work” isn’t exactly healthy. Which in-turn means that there is not a lot of logic that we hold onto when we talk about divorce. Any aftermath is a ripple effect of our beliefs. A recent example is how people are taking the news of Hardik Pandya and Natasa Stankovic’s divorce.
Hardik and Natasa announced their separation in an Instagram post, yesterday. They talked about the decision being mutual, and the fact that they intend to keep it respectful – as they continue to co-parent their son. Even when news of the couple separating was not official, people had assumed that it was probably Natasa’s fault that their marriage ended. What followed this announcement was an escalated reaction towards the woman.
People on the internet, and more specifically, fans of Hardik Pandya took it upon themselves to troll Natasa. This post had the comments switched off, and so, the internet took to other posts to share their opinions. You can sense the anger from the amount of effort people put, to solely troll a person. Then there is the tonality of the comments for both the people that really needs to be noted. Where Hardik Pandya is being told to ‘stay strong’ and ‘not trust women’ – Natasa Stankovic’s posts have people slut-shaming her and telling the woman that ‘Hardik deserved better’.
We are used to treating celebrities including actors and cricketers, as heroes – especially when they do something we like. All logic succumbs when people put their favourite celebrities on a pedestal. At this point, the internet can’t look past ‘Hardik Pandya the cricketer’ and in doing so, there’s this heroification of a person whose personal life is not ours to comment on. It is something we know nothing of. The more important point is that this is one of those times where we need to separate the person from their work. As an audience, we hardly do that. If our hero does well, we assume that they can do nothing wrong. And the moment they do something human, we throw them under the bus.
This is not to say that Hardik Pandya deserves any sort of hate, either. It’s a reminder that we do not know people and their lives. We do not know what their relationship was like. And hence, we hold no right to comment or form opinions about things that we have no information about. So why are we still doing it? Fame is one reason – where we forget that cricketers are also people.
However that is not it. It also comes down to gender, because every time a relationship does not work out, we blame women. We sympathize with men and we tell ourselves that it must have been the woman’s fault. It is clearly about the internalized sexism in these cases, because this is not the first time something like this has happened. When Kusha Kapila and Zorawar announced their separation, people blamed Kusha. Trolls went on to assume that her fame was the reason why the relationship didn’t work out.
The treatment inflicted on Natasa Stankovic is another reminder of how we treat our women. We enter into conversations assuming that they are at fault. Everything that falls apart is assumed to happen because of them. This is when they never find any appreciation to their credit. To call it a new low would be an understatement, because each day, we stoop lower.
