Supply and demand, that’s all it is. No matter how much denial you might swim in, there’s always going to be people who want to do certain drugs, and there’s going to be people doing their best to give them those drugs at a much higher premium and much lower quality. This has led to some pretty crazy smuggling stories, methods that make you wonder just why these people aren’t using their creativity in different fields. Maybe they just like the thrill.
Either way, here are some of the craziest ways in which people have tried (and sometimes succeeded) to smuggle drugs!
1. Filling hash in the speakers of fictional rock bands
In the 70s, arguably the world’s most beloved dope smuggler, Howard Marks, or Mr. Nice, transported around 30 tonnes of marijuana around the world. This Oxford nuclear physics genius conjured up fictional rock bands in the books, used their speakers and other equipment and loaded them up with massive amounts of cannabis. Read his book, it’s great!
2. Using a submarine to transport 10 tonnes of cocaine
In 2010, a diesel powered almost DIY looking submarine was found in Ecuador which was used to transport up to 10 metric tonnes of cocaine at one time. It might not look classy, but it got the job done son!
3. Hiding cocaine in the foreskin of the penis
This might not have been a very successful smuggle, but props to the guy for trying. A man named Antoine Banks, who was going to prison for possession of certain drugs, tried to sneak in a little baggie of cocaine by hiding it between his penis’ foreskin and head. These guys just don’t know where to draw the line (pun intended).
4. Selling heroin disguised as lollipops
The annoyingly persistent DEA (Drug Enforcement Agency) once found some candy with an extra kick in New York. A seizure of lollipops with loose wrappers at the airport turned out to be a total of 520 grams of mid-grade heroin. It’s apparently happened in the past as well with cocaine. Cocopops!
5. Smuggling cocaine inside clams
In 2011, Customs and Border Protection officials were checking 26-year-old David Pocasangre Vaquiz’s luggage at the Washington-Dulles airport when they found more than 150 grams of cocaine concealed inside 15 clams, all of which had been glued shut to conceal their cargo. There’s a pearls of wisdom joke in here somewhere, I can smell it.
6. Smuggling 5 tonnes of marijuana inside furniture
In 2005, the East Coast of England was the place to be. Cannabis smugglers there filled up household furniture like beds and sofas with 5 freakin’ tonnes of marijuana worth £12 million. They tried to smuggle it through a port, but got busted. Poor guys.
7. Smuggling 20 kgs of cocaine inside tiny screws
Small achievements can lead to big payoffs, which is what a certain Peruvian man flying from Buenos Aires to South Africa was hoping for. Unfortunately, authorities with the Federal Public Revenue Administration of Argentina found the 20 kilograms of cocaine hidden in tiny screws he was carrying.
8. Using the coffins of dead American soldiers to smuggle heroin
If you’ve seen the movie American Gangster, you know what I’m talking about. Heroin dealer extraordinaire, Frank Lucas operated in the 60s and 70s, and smuggled a pretty hefty portion of it in the pallets underneath the coffins of dead soldiers returning.
9. Using special pants with 5kgs of cocaine sewn into it
A 64 year old man in China used a brilliantly clever pant with enough secret space to carry 5kg of cocaine to get through Macau. Sadly for him, he got busted, but we got a good story out of it!
10. Using an avocado filled with cocaine
The guys just get wackier with time. Maybe it’s the drugs, but as you can see from the picture below, avocados aren’t just good for your health, they’re pretty nifty at smuggling a huge amount of coco too!
11. Using a Mr. Potato Head toy to smuggle ecstasy
There’s not much available in terms of backstory to this, but someone once tried to smuggle 300gms of ecstasy inside a Mr. Potato Head toy. He’d probably have had better luck stuffing it inside Woody’s hat.
12. Using Pringles to smuggle cocaine
Not just using a Pringles can, oh no. Some people actually made chips out of compressed cocaine and put it in a can of Pringles. 88% pure and totally legit, except they got busted.
13. Using a tunnel to smuggle drugs
More than 100 tunnels have been discovered since the 90’s, many of which originate in Tijuana, Mexico, and lead into San Diego, Calif. These tunnels not only help smugglers transport drugs across the border, but also people, money and weapons. Some tunnels are so urbane that they have climate control and an elaborate electrical system.
14. Using a catapult to fling drugs across the border
In 2011, the Mexican drug cartels got medieval by launching a drug catapult to fling immense packages of marijuana over the border fence. This machine worked without any power and the accuracy of the targeting mechanism is debatable but we assume that operatives on the other side were waiting to grab the payloads of marijuana wherever they may have landed. Bullseye!
They may be on the wrong side of the law, but these guys sure do have some major cojones!