Everybody loves what The Rock is cookin’ – after all, he can sing, dance, act, and he can also suplex the shit out of anyone who disagrees with this sentence. But over years, I’ve noticed something strange about his choice in films.
For almost 20 years now, Mr. Patthar has been acting in the same damn movie. The man literally lives in a jungle. Allow me to explain.
Way back in 2003, The Rock starred in an action-comedy called Welcome to the Jungle (Also known as The Rundown).
As you can probably guess, the movie mostly took place in the Amazon. We’ll spare you the details (mostly ‘cos I barely even remember what happens), but 90% of it is him punching things amidst thick foliage.
Then there’s the film Journey 2: The Mysterious Island – Basically The Rock has to rescue someone, blah blah blah, adventure. The curious thing is, that island is also a jungle.
Does The Rock have a jungle fetish? We’ll never know for sure…
Moving forward, we have the Oscar Winning (I’m just kidding) Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (!) and Jumanji: The Next Level – both, as you might have guessed, taking place mostly in a land with a lot of trees and shrubbery and wildlife…
…Otherwise known as a Jungle. That’s right. This dude is obsessed. When a therapist shows him a Rorschach Test, he sees a jungle even if the inkblot looks like a penis. And let’s face it, we all see a penis… right?
Heck, even when’s he’s voice-acting for animated movies, he’s still in a jungle. Case in point – Moana.
And now, after almost 20 freakin’ years, Mr. I-Love-Muscles-&-Have-An-Unhealthy-Obsession-With-Jungles is coming out with a film called – wait for it – Jungle Cruise!
There’s only one explanation for this – the man has been acting in the same film for 20 years. This is the only conspiracy theory I will ever believe (because it’s true).
Anyway, that brings us to the end of my thesis. Let’s just hope the world is ready for this information. It’s sure to ‘rock’ the boat *cue applause*.