Here we go!

1. The Duck Face

Yeah, that’s exactly how it looks when someone pulls that stupid a face. How the fuck do people believe that this looks attractive? I’d like this delusional lot to repeat after me: “I’m not a duck. I’m not a duck. I’m not a duck. I’m not a duck. I’m not a duck.”

For those who still don’t get it…

2. Food/Beverage

If I see one more cup of cappuccino with a heart or leaf on top, I might hire a hacker to break into the account and make a meme out of it. Your food will be frozen by the time you’re done choosing the perfect picture and adding 20 odd filters to it. Just eat it, enjoy it. Just so you know, I don’t really care about what goes through your digestive system.

3. Gym Selfies

No. No. NO. Don’t show me your sweaty abs, flexing biceps and work out wear. Not interested. You’re getting fit n’ sexy? Great for you, love. But just please stop posing in front of the mirror and get back on that treadmill. Do what you’re at a gym for.

4. Vacation Photos

Yeah man. You’re awesome because you travel around a lot and see the world in all its shining glory. I get it. But I don’t want your holiday albums on my feed all the time. Keep them in your gallery. Spare me. I don’t even get jealous anymore.

5. Selfies And More Selfies

Hi, Kim Ks everywhere! The woman made a coffee book out of her million selfies, for Christ’s sake. And many young, unsuspecting boys and girls sure do seem to be taking a leaf out of her book. Can’t get enough of yourself, can you? I’ve had enough of you though. But you’re desperate as ever. Alas. Narcissism is such a terrible curse.

6. Flaunting Riches

You ain’t no richest kid of Saudi Arabia. But daddy & mommy got a new car for their darling and it must be showed off because that’s the only thing that’ll make you feel cool about yourself. You need to do it again. And again. And again. Because you’ve got too much time and even more money. Sadly, nothing else.

7. Pseudo Artsy Shots

Nope. I’m not buying that. It doesn’t resemble art from any angle. Why you try so hard? FYI, I’ve used the same filters you explore now, like 5 years ago. Those wide shots and close ups don’t look as aesthetic as you think, bruh. But yeah, keep trying.

8. Too Many Philosophical/Inspirational Quotes

Take your gyaan elsewhere and throw it at someone who cares. I’m not in the mood for your emo shit. Life is hard. Love sucks. We know. Stop preaching already. You ain’t my spiritual guru. And you’re not telling me anything new.

9. Semi-Naked Bathroom Selfies

Thank you for not taking all your clothes off, I guess. I mean, I’d totally understand and even hit ‘like’ if you were chilling on a beach. Heck, I’d leave a nice comment. But why the hell am I seeing a semi-clad you in a bathroom with ugly tiles and used towels in the background? You really don’t give a shit about privacy, do you? So turning off.

10. Religious Sayings

What is this, your faith group? People aren’t following you to have your beliefs forced onto them. No disrespect to one’s religion, but such excessive devotion to God on social media can be surprisingly annoying and sometimes, out of line.

11. PDA

I’m happy for you two, I really am. But the extra couple-y feels and cheesy lovestruck looks in your posts (with cheesier captions) make me want to gag. Seriously, why don’t you just invite me to your bedroom? I’ll watch. Ha. Jokes apart, I don’t want to be a part of your cute little world, guys. So leave me out. I wish you a great life together.

12. Collages

What are you, 10 years old? Why are you trying to cram everything in one grid? Get rid of those stupid collage making apps, dude. Try to make do with just one photo, perhaps? That way, you’ll have more space in your phone too. That way, we both can be happy. I win. You win. Yay!

13. Sleeping Selfie

The only person you’re fooling is yourself. You want us to witness your nap time charm? I laugh at you. I mock you. Wake up sleepy head, and smell the coffee. You look so fucking dumb. I can even see your half-missing arm. For starters, open your eyes and see reality.

14. Obsessive pet sharing

I love dogs and I believe with my whole heart that they’re the best creatures to ever exist on this planet. But 300 dog photos can get a tad bit overwhelming. How many times will I see your pooch roll over, play and perform tricks? Let it be an occasional treat?

15. Over sharing

Is that a big bruise on your knee? A hickey on your neck? Damn. That stuff is personal, bro! No one ever told you that?

16. Sunset and Sunrise

Wow! The sun! Going up! Going down! I’m blown away, man. I’ve never see this before! I can’t get enough of pictures of a dim yellow ball bouncing around in the sky. It just makes my day. So unique and special. Thank you.

17. Feet Fetish

Why am I seeing a zoomed in shots of your pedicured, uneven toes every few weeks? Or shiny, smooth legs at a spa or poolside? Or pictures of your feet, along with two more pairs? Once or twice is okay, but every time? I’m not interested in your individual body parts. Stop shoving them in my face.

18. Kisses

Your about-to-go-in-for-a-kiss pout is in place and you lean in, freezing right as your lips touch the person’s face while giving the camera a slant gaze. Then you wait for the flash to go off a few times. Then you run to the phone and pick the image with your best side profile. Dang! Job done. You post your declaration of love and go home. Cute.

19. Organizational Skills/OCD

Everything so prim and proper, it doesn’t even seem real. OCD much? The lines are straight, the placement is flawless and the filters are mellow. Arranged to look like still life. Wow. Unless you become a professional photographer, don’t show me your amateur shoots. Also, how many hours of your life did you waste doing this?

I really, really hope this shit just STOPS now. We seriously need to delete these trends forever. High time.