Desi parents love you very much. And unlike in the West, they let you stay in their house long after you are an adult. Sometimes people stay with their parents their whole life, which is awesome. But Indian parents also have this habit of making passive aggressive remarks constantly, which is extremely toxic.
1. “Aur khana hai?”
Indian parents really need to stop saying this shit to their kids, especially if the kids are girls. Because let’s be honest, boys don’t get told about their weight as often. This is not to say that they don’t but girls generally are made more conscious about their weight and their eating habits.
2. “I clothed and fed you…”
Haan toh, you also gave birth to me. It’s kind of a package deal. Dogs also feed their pups. As do cats. Do you see dogs asking their kids to be grateful about feeding them? WTF is this logic, “I clothed and fed you?” What else was I supposed to do, hang out with panthers and sing Jungle jungle phool khila hai?
3. “Sharma ji ke ladke ko dekho…”
Arey nahi dekhna, bahut handsome hai, pyaar ho jaaega, please. Then you will be like, ‘study, don’t fall for boys’ and shit. Make up your mind, please. Don’t want to deal with this in 6 months’ time, hustle culture doesn’t really spare any time for heartbreaks.
4. “Is that what you are going to wear? Guests aa rahe hain”
Uhh, I am 15. If your guests get boners looking at kids’ knees and shoulders, you need to make better friends. Or call the cops. Definitely call the cops and maybe, just maybe, don’t invite them home and expose them to your kids.
5. “When I was your age…”
We all know you are going to lie your heart out after that. Also, you didn’t have electricity or the internet. Of course you spent your time differently than mine. And wasn’t the whole purpose of all your hard work supposed to make our lives comfortable? So, why dafuq are you getting salty now?
6. “Your cousin got into an IIT”
Romance novels likhega or will issue rape threats to Kohli’s kid? Is that also what you want for me, father? On a serious note, his father is more educated than you. Do you see me complaining about it? He makes more money as well. You don’t hear me say a word about it, ever, do ya?
7. “Arey kya karega literature leke?”
Protest karunga Jantar Mantar pe! Tumko kya? What I do with my career is my problem. What happens with it, is my issue to deal with. Why do you care? I am your child, not an investment. TBH, we all know you are bad with investments.
8. “This (dress) will be too fitting.”
I know how much I weigh. You don’t have to remind me every time I buy a piece of cloth. Jesus Christ, what is your issue, man? Even tech bro classmates don’t body shame as much as the both of you!
9. ‘Eat a salad, sometimes.’
Why don’t you eat one? You are the one likely to have high sugar problems, on account of your extremely old age.
10. “Aaj kal ke bacche will marry only for their own joy.”
If you want domestic help, get one and pay them. Not marrying someone so that they can do your dishes and provide free leg massages, FFS. Funny, how it is just assumed that you are supposed to marry someone who will work as a part time unpaid worker.
I have 30 years of trauma to pour into here but normally, I pay someone to hear me out. So, thank you for doing it for free, Kden, bai bai.
