We all have that one colleague in our office who spends 90% of his time watching cat videos on YouTube and yet, gets all the praises and accolades from the supervisors. Ever wondered why? Because while some of us slog really hard and yet get nowhere, there are some, who’re like a bag of chips; they appear full even though they’re half empty. There are some who look super sincere without doing even 25% of what you’re doing.
So don’t work hard. Work smart. By using these amazing office hacks.
1. Have a really cluttered desk.
Cleanliness might be next to Godliness but untidiness is next to corporate happiness. Want to look real busy? Just scatter writing pads, pieces of paper, highlighters, pens etc all across your table.
Hey, with so many things scattered around, you MUST be working really hard. Because what would an idle person do with all that stuff? Amirite?
2. Send a lot of e-mails. A LOT!
Show active participation. Have as much e-mail correspondence as you can. To sound even more authentic, write an awesome subject line.
Even if they never open your e-mails, your supervisors should be able to see your name every now and then in their e-mail accounts. Remember people, out of sight, out of mind.
3. Eat your lunch at your desk.
Remember how we’d asked you to always keep your desk cluttered? Well, you need to add one more item to your clutter; your food plate. Just imagine the kind of impact it’ll have on your supervisors when they see you juggling a chapati and your keyboard.
Dedication level: 99999999
4. Always look as if you’re in a mad hurry.
You’re in a corporate jungle. There’s no time for a leisure walk. Walk as fast as you can. Always look like a man on a mission, even if you’re going out for a sutta or to the washroom. Walking fast=determination=brownie points.
In short, don’t walk fast. Fly slow.
5. Always look worried.
You might be happy as a lark, but try not to show it on the outside. Opt for a borderline gloomy, almost worried look. As if you’re wondering how you’ll ever be able to meet the deadlines.
Although don’t overdo it like this…
…But opt for something subtle like this.
6. Wear your headphones. ALWAYS.
Headphones are a polite, non-verbal way of saying ‘fuck off!’. The last thing you need when you’re not doing anything, is interaction with colleagues. Hence, the headphones.
So, it doesn’t matter whether you’re listening to Tum toh thehre pardesi…
…Just don’t take off your headphone.
7. Keep staring at your computer screen.
You might be thinking about the latest Game of Thrones episode, you might be thinking about your crush, you might be thinking about Doraemon; whatever you might be thinking about, just don’t take your eyes off your computer screen.
Stare at it as intensely as possible, and everybody will think you’re creating the next Facebook.
8. Wherever you go, carry a lot of stuff with you.
Even if you’re going to the washroom, carry all your worldly belongings with you. Looks awkward? Even better. The more stuff you carry, the more productive you’ll look. Great success.
9. Send an occasional 2:00 a.m. e-mail.
Staying online at post office hours can work wonders for your career. I mean, think of the possibilities if your supervisor sees that green dot in his chat list at 2:00 in the morning!
You don’t have to do it all the time, but an occasional late night e-mail will definitely make things easier for you.
10. Always keep a notepad and a pen by your side.
Keeping a pen and a diary/notepad/piece of paper by your side, makes you look more legit. Period. Also, keep scribbling something in it from time to time.
You might be drawing a dickbutt but nobody cares as long as you’re putting pen to paper every now and then.
