You’d imagine that India is not a safe space for straight men who are obviously framed for rapes and dowry cases all the time. Something similar happened to me yesterday on a busy Delhi road. As I was busy driving my car (and playing a certain Yo Yo Honey Singh song), I saw this young lady wearing shorts. If that wasn’t stupid enough, I could clearly see her bra-strap. 

What the fuck is wrong with our country? Why are women not cultured anymore? Now that I’ve seen her in shorts, it obviously means that I shall have her.

I’ve often come across feminist publications talking about consent. What a load of shit! How is consent real if patriarchy isn’t? What more consent do I want than a woman wearing revealing dresses? She obviously wants to entice me. Obviously she’s asking for it. I’ve even see her bra-strap for god’s sake. What more signs do I want?

Women often wear short dresses and behave like a tease around us. How often have you seen a woman talking to other men at bars? They even openly talk about casual sex. Our moral values have gone down the drain with the emergence of this Netflix and chill culture. 

They won’t talk to me but they’re easily talking to other men. She’s obviously a whore, guys. Let’s not kid ourselves. If she weren’t a whore, she’d give me some attention. My mom and friends keep telling me how I’m supremely attractive and any girl would be lucky to have me. Are you telling me that they’re lying? Obviously the bitch is at fault here. Modern day feminism has made her think that she’s free to do whatever she wants.

I saw her bra-strap the other day. Obviously I’ve seen her naked. She has now brought shame to her entire family. It’s called Victoria’s Secret for a reason. It’s meant to be a secret. 

Undergarments are meant to be under the garment you’re wearing. Females of society being comfortable with their bodies is obviously a danger to us all. Can we have them coming out of their houses and not needing our validation?

What about the family’s honour? When we decided to place our honour in their hymen, we didn’t know that they’ll go around ruining it. A girl is only as good as her hymen. Feminism is obviously ruining it. If they can live happily on their own, our validation won’t matter. Is that the world we want to live in? Educational qualifications or jobs are okay, but a female is only as good as her honour.

Every now and then, a college committee or a Panchayat will advise young women against using mobile phones and wearing anything revealing. It becomes a national debate about choice. What the fuck does choice even mean? Women and choice don’t go hand in hand in the first place. We obviously turn into hungry hounds when we see legs. Or a woman using a phone is obviously promiscuous. Why would they use phones for other reasons? 

They’re flaunting what their moms gave them for us to enjoy. Some are even suffering from ASS (Attention Seeking Syndrome). My right to get offended or aroused is obviously greater than their right to wear whatever they want or do whatever they feel like. 

My havas is obstructing your freedom? Well, fuck you. We’ve let you come out of the kitchen. Now you want more rights? If this trend keeps growing, I’m afraid that we shall reach a point where men and women are equal in society. We can’t have that. Fuck that shit, bros. 

Let’s put them under restrictions because equal rights emasculate us. They make us feel threatened about our privileged position in society. 

Have you guys not been following Bollywood movies? In Rowdy Rathore, Akshay Kumar stalks Sonakshi Sinha and she falls in love with him. In Ranjhanaa, Dhanush stalks Sonam Kapoor and she finds it totally adorable. If actresses can find it adorable, these stuck-up princesses have no right to turn me down, right? I will now stalk her for a bit but in the end, it doesn’t even matter. Because I’ll have her anyway.

[PS: Do you see the problem here? This is exactly how some men feel and think. That’s the problem. A woman isn’t responsible for the crime when she’s the victim in the first place. Not all men do this but let’s try and strive towards a society where no man thinks this way.]