There’s always a lot to love about places that we come from, they’re home after all. This means that even our culture is something that we deeply love, despite the flaws; and there’s no denying that there are a lot of flaws. So much of the desi culture boils down to pretending that we are better than the rest, it’s as if we are constantly competing. A lot of our ideas and opinions are problematic in ways that they harm all of us. Yet, we don’t let them go.
Some people shared similar instances and ideas of our culture that are deeply toxic:
1. “The idea that we have to respect people who are older than us – relatives and family members, solely because they’re older in age. When in fact, the basis for respect should be an individual’s personality – it should depend on how they are as human beings.”
– Anonymous
2. “You cannot have a male friend without the family assuming that you’re in a relationship. This is especially true for women, their friendships with men are ruined because of this regressive mindset.
– Aaliyah Jain
3. “People think that there’s a specific age bar to get married. So, anytime you reach anywhere nearer that age, relatives and family members start pestering you. This is pressuring and wrong.”
– Naman Issar
4. “So many parents make it a point to show that they’re doing a favour when they’re there for the children. Most things they do, they do it as an obligation. The mentality that raising a child is a favour is so toxic – it’s a choice. Children should not be shown that they owe their parents something because they chose to raise a child.”
– Manya
5. “Our society spends too much money on weddings. This is mostly done to show off – and it’s problematic. In some cases, people start saving money for the women’s wedding when they’re kids. All of this for someone else, when this money could actually be used for the kids’ future or as an investment.
– Izhan Saifi
6. “Gossiping is neither normal, nor okay. I don’t understand why desi culture has normalized it.”
– Shantanu Ghosh
7. “The idea that parents’ love is unconditional, is flawed. They say that they’ll love us for who we are, despite everything. However, it mostly comes down to their terms. They love us when we live on their terms, when we make them happy by doing things they like. They don’t love us for who we are.”
– Anonymous
8. “We can hardly take other people doing well. Everything is a competition with us, and we only feel like we are successful when other people around us aren’t doing better than us. I’ve hardly seen people being genuinely happy for someone else’s success. This competition is ingrained in our mentality.”
– Riya Gill
9. “We’re so into pleasing others, and looking a certain way that we don’t even leave situations like a death of someone close. Our rituals and the idea of having to serve “good food” are deeply toxic.”
– Harshit Ailawadi
10. “You’re expected to follow the guidance of your elder siblings out of respect. However, sometimes that can end up having an adverse affect, especially if the siblings are either narcissistic or abusive.”
– Harshita Singh
A lot to think about, and correct.