There’s no secret recipe to a great sex life. The truth is, for many, their first few times at penetrative sex are not even as exciting as they had hoped for them to be. It’s only over time you experiment, discover what works for you, and learn more about your partner, that you reach a stage where’re you able to turn up the heat several notches higher.
This is not meant to deplete anybody’s excitement around sex; it is just as is. You see, sex is a ceaseless journey of self-discovery and communication. Some people on Reddit’s r/AskReddit recently acknowledged they were able to take their sex life ‘from mild to wild’, here’s how they did it –
1. “Talk about it. Like, have a bottle of wine, watch a mildly sexy romantic movie, maybe fool around a little, and then just cuddle up and have a ‘no hard feelings’ – mode talk. If she says you’re bad at oral, just accept that and ask how to do better. But talk about what you like, what you don’t like, and what you want to try.”
2. “My wife turned 40 and developed a sex drive. Absolutely amazing.”
3. “Started as vanilla. Then, I read some smutty books, told my husband about them and holy shit we are having the time of our lives right now.”
4. “I guess we both just started prioritizing our pleasure and being honest about what we wanted. A little dirty talking, and a lot of love.”
5. “Started working out and eating better. Got genuinely fitter, more stamina and energy. My partner started working out first and I noticed she was feeling herself a whole lot more. I didn’t wanna get left behind so I started working out. We went from sex 1-3 times a month to 2-5 times a week, and it’s so much better. Honestly, it is the best thing we have done for our relationship.”
– jaxxie04
6. “Obviously communication. But also, experimenting with new positions; going to a sex shop together, we now have a box of toys including a few different paddles, rope, handcuffs and ball gag.”
7. “Not cosplay but costumes/sexy clothing. Amazon has a huge selection.”
8. “We bought an advent calendar with sex toys for beginners in it. So, every day in December, we had a box to open it. Every night when we went to bed, we opened a box and talked about it. Were we open to using it or not? We made sure to have time for each other at the weekend just to try all the new toys.”
– EJCZ
9. “Plan days to have sex. My GF and I call them our ‘sex dates’. We also look at sex as a landscape to explore. Not a formula that we repeat every now and then. And finally, be vulnerable and share that weird thing that you want to do and do it.”
10. “It took one of us to take the plunge to initiate the awkward conversation and build on each other’s curiosity. Also, getting past judgment of yourself and not being so self-conscious about whatever it is you are or wanna try.
It all boils down to being honest, candid, and vulnerable. If you harbour a desire that you think may come across as mind-numbingly stupid, say it. It’s probable that they also have a kink but are too embarrassed to share. Therefore, conversation becomes important. If your partner isn’t comfortable trying something, they’ll let you know, even if they had agreed to it earlier. But always seek permission. Put an end to it the moment they say NO. Consent is primary to everything.