Sex and relationships are already complex. Then we add to them the misconceptions and myths that have existed to shame pleasure. Things are bound to get tougher. Seema Anand, who’s a sexual health influencer and the author of The Arts of Seduction, often tries to debunk the misconceptions associated with sex. She also creates content that aims to normalize discourse around pleasure and relationships.
In a recent podcast with Traya Health, she talked about Kamasutra and sex, in general. The influencer answered questions, while sharing her knowledge of the book.
Here are some common misconceptions that she clarified:
1. The vagina doesn’t loosen.
“Earlier it was that you could slut shame a woman by calling her not a virgin. Today it is this, and I find that a lot of women get really distressed because they are being told that by people they’re in bed with.”
2. Vagina is not the counterpart of the penis.
“Just like the penis is an organ for pleasure, the vagina is not the counterpart. It’s the clitoris that’s the organ of pleasure, and other parts of the female anatomy.”
3. Penetration cannot always give you an orgasm.
“Most women will not orgasm during penetration. Unfortunately we are told that ‘yeh hai sex, aur isse tumhein pleasure milna chahiye.’“
4. Hair play a major role in intimacy.
“Washing, shampooing the hair and doing elaborate hairstyles are important skills. It’s a very important part of the intimacy vocabulary. If you look at any old sculptures and look at their hairstyles, they were so elaborate.”
5. Soulmates may not exist.
“I believe that there is no one person in the universe who can fulfill everything your soul needs. I think when we start saying soulmates, we put extra pressure on the other person. Look for a companion.”
6. Chemistry is something you work towards. It doesn’t just exist.
“At this point, media is telling us one idea of chemistry. It’s telling you chemistry is when you see somebody and you’re totally excited by them. Just like it’s not telling you that you can look sexy in different ways.”
7. Fantasy is different from cheating.
“Aap fantasy use kijiye apne partner ke saath apni sex-life better banane ke liye. Agar aap use kar rahe hain escape karne ke liye, then that’s a problem.”
8. Falling out of attraction is common.
“You get into this monotonous part. I always say to people that as a couple, who are committed to each other, you must do lots of things separately. Go out and do activities with other people.”
There’s clearly still a long way to go, when it comes to normalizing sexual health.