There’s no doubt that the bond shared between parents and their children is something different. While every parent loves and cares about their children more than anyone, desi parents are believed to be overprotective and dominating towards their kids, which ultimately results in children being scared of their parents.
Today, we stumbled upon a thread where several desi people reveal why children in our country never stand up against their parents, and trust us, it’s quite relatable. Read on.
1. “They are treated like children instead of a young adult.”
2. “For boys, obedience is beaten into them from a young age. That mental trauma still exists even when they get older and it can be very hard to overcome.”
3. “No financial or emotional independence. Either the kids aren’t financially independent in order to make a move or are hardwired to think ‘aakhir hain to humare maa baap’. Even if you try to take any step, they get upset.”
4. “The parents would never even think of taking consent before getting their children to do something. Nobody asks their children if they are comfortable enough to do something. They have the fear of getting backlashed by their parents if they ever try to answer them back. But really, it is just how kids are brought up – they never really question the authority and hence, they do the same to you, believing that “this is the only way that exists to parent our children.”
5. “For girls, it is usually emotional blackmail and guilt-tripping. Parents will say that they won’t be able to show their faces anywhere if you disobey them. When it comes to marriage, some parents will threaten suicide if the children don’t listen.”
6. “Actually, children have fear and urge to be accepted by their parents. Many parents choose to parent their kids with fear. When I told my father about not wanting to do engineering, he had beaten me with his slippers. So, a child who has had to live being afraid of their parents since childhood and obeying each and every order of their parents, would not be able to stand up much to their parents. Apart from that, parents are master manipulators. They will tell you, “engineering has a lot of scope”, “that guy’s child is also doing engineering”, “all intelligent people do engineering”, “you can do all these extra stuff after engineering”, basically a mix of gaslighting and manipulation. They might even say, “can’t you do this much for your parents, we have sacrificed soo much for you”, and children, having grown up compromising their wants according to parents’ wishes, end up compromising this time too.”
7. “Sanskaar.”
8. “There is no point in standing up to them. They will emotionally manipulate their kids and start behaving as if they have done a favour to them. This is especially true for lower-tier cities and towns. What I have learnt is that you just go with the flow until you have financial independence and silently move out. There is no point in trying to explain that they hurt you because they are incapable of understanding. I once told my mom that she used to beat me for my little mistakes when I was a kid. She then started saying how ungrateful and deceitful I am that I remember things of the past. She even changed the topic and started berating how other children are way better than me and that I am a useless child, even though I am much more successful than most of my childhood friends.”
9. “The thing is that the standing up can only be done if your family is a bit liberal. There was a time when I couldn’t argue with my mother for small things, and whenever I did, it was met with sharp scolding and a barrage of insults, emotional blackmailing and severe punishments. However, things have changed now. I am giving my board exams and my parents have gently asked me to fill out the forms for admission to whichever college I can get into, no matter the stream or the subjects. Maybe it’s just that my parents are a bit liberal or it’s the fact that I have already accepted that I won’t get a stable life by just doing whatever I want, but this situation is probably the best for me. So yes, one should stand up to their parents and there should be a strong opinion/preference you should have that your parents can’t drive you away from. Indian kids are mostly dependent on their parents for almost everything, they have little freedom to express what they want. And, it probably kills their desire to even try. But, one can always try something even if it does not yield results.”
10. “It’s because any Asian society or government don’t really provide children with any sort of support if they were to leave their families, once they become adults, unlike Western countries.”
11. “I still remember how my mother’s brother (my mama) used to beat me whenever my mom complained to him about me. How do you expect a 7-year-old boy to behave like a grown-up? As a result, I’m now a spoilt teen who stands up against my parents. I want to earn money, even if I have to be a waiter at a street food shop. When I told my parents about the same, they said, “humne kya kami kardi jo tu jaane ki baat kar raha hai? Bheekh maangne jaa tab pata chalega ki paise kaise aayenge.” We children are forced to accept the rules made by our parents. We are not financially independent and we can’t run away from our homes. So, the so-called discipline is beaten into us.”
Oh, it’s a reality check!