Sex is hot. But sometimes stuff happens that makes it …not?
Redditors reveal the stupidest thing that’s happened to them during sex (and boy do we have second-hand embarrassment):
1. “She clocked me in the face (closed fist).”
“I brought home a girl from a bar one night. She was on top and asked me if I liked it rough. I said something like “yeah, baby”. I had my eyes closed for a few seconds, and when I opened them she had her fist cocked back, with a big shit-eating grin on her face. She clocked me in the face (closed fist), and then was surprised when I pushed her off. I should never have had said “yeah.”” – u/nokittythatsmypie
2. “I blurted out “Na-Nah -Na-Nah.””
“We were going at it, and my girl let out the perfect “uhhhh” sound, and that triggered a Pavlovian response in me where I blurted out “Na-Nah -Na-Nah.” We had to stop and laugh our asses off for like five minutes before continuing.” – u/Beeftech67
3. “Yeah, you’re right, you do taste like french fries.”
“When I was in my late teens/early twenties, I was dating this girl who worked at a McDonald’s. She came over right after work one night, and I wanted to fool around, but she was hesitant since she was still all gross from work. “No, I need to shower, I smell like french fries.” So we end up making out a bunch and one thing leads to another and then I’m going down on her, and I thought it would be funny to say “Yeah, you’re right, you do taste like french fries.” And that was that, she immediately pulled her pants back up and I was done for the night. Oops.” – u/kadno
4. “I immediately countered with, “how do you like that little dick?””
“I was having sex with an ex-GF, we hadn’t been seeing each other very long so it was still new and exciting, and we were starting to test the waters of dirty talking to one another. Well, out of nowhere she looks up at me as I’m on top of her and she looks me straight in the eyes and asks, “how do you like that little pussy?” Needless to say, I found that to be a huge turn-on and instead of taking my time to think up a good response, I immediately countered with, “how do you like that little dick?” We tried to not giggle but found it to be impossible and ultimately called it quits for that round and ended up ordering pizza and watching a movie instead. We dated for 10 years after that and were engaged for 5.” – u/grannybanger88
5. “I couldn’t stop laughing at the fact that I just gave my new husband a flamin’ hot blowjob.”
“On my honeymoon, my (now ex) husband and I decided to get drunk, eat snacks and watch Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. While doing so, we started fooling around and trailed off to the bedroom to finish what we started. While I started going down on him I noticed he was squirming and saw him wincing when I looked up. I asked him what was the matter to which he replied “it burns?” And it was only then I realized I had just been snacking on extra flaming hot Cheetos right before. After rushing to get a wet cloth and repeatedly apologizing I couldn’t stop laughing at the fact that I just gave my new husband a flamin’ hot blowjob.” – u/iluvs0sjc
6. “We discovered she had had a bloody nose and her blood was all over my neck and chest.”
“In college, my girlfriend was riding me in my dark bedroom me summer night. She was vigorously gyrating that I could feel her sweat dripping on me. Afterwards, we kissed and cuddled. When we turned on the light we discovered she had had a bloody nose and her blood was all over my neck and chest.” – u/ramos1969
7. ” Instead of striking her right on the cheek like all the strikes, this one wrapped around the curve of her ass and tagged my right in my left nut.”
“I was in bed with an ex-girlfriend who was very new to kink and eager to explore. On this particular night, we were experimenting with various kinds of spanking. After moving from bare hand to small floggers and then to paddles, I picked up a favourite belt. It was a braided belt made of supple leather, perfect for both restraint and spanking. I was laying on my back and she was on all fours over me while I was delivering a series of stronger and stronger strikes to her ass. She’s really enjoying this, so I tell her to brace herself for a really good one. It was a good one, alright. But it didn’t land where I intended it to. Instead of striking her right on the cheek like all the strikes, this one wrapped around the curve of her ass and tagged my right in my left nut. She tried to contain her laughter as I squirmed and clutched my groin. The swelling subsided after about 20 minutes with an ice pack.” – u/TheMidlander
8. “This was just enough pressure for me to let out a huge fart.”
“With an ex. She’s sitting on the edge of the bed as I walk up with my shirt off. She starts tracing my chest with her finger and slowly works her way down. But, she makes a stop to make a playful ‘boop’ and poke my abdomen. This was just enough pressure for me to let out a huge fart. Still had sex, just took a few moments to get all the giggles out.” – u/Travelling_Man
9. “He flew backwards and hit his head on the wall.”
“My boyfriend at the time was trying to take my tight jeans off, and struggling mightily to get them over my hips. I lifted my hips up to assist with the process and the jeans came off quickly and he flew backwards and hit his head on the wall. It was absolutely hilarious and I laughed. He did not find it equally funny, and sexy times were put off so he could nurse his head injury and his pride.” – u/Ok_Significance_1958
10. “Holy shit you feel just like your sister.” – u/we11ington
11. “She choked and coughed blowjob mushy peas all over me and my new sheets.”
“My girlfriend a while ago liked to do the ice cube – cup of tea blowjob trick. One night we didn’t have any ice cubes, only a bag of frozen peas… She went down on me with a mouthful and it turns out that peas in the mouth defrost REALLY fast. After about 20 secs she choked and coughed blowjob mushy peas all over me and my new sheets. Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.” – u/Robsonthebeach
12. “She just started bawling.”
“She (who’s very insecure) queefs very loud, and leans forward. Looks back at me, lip shaking like she’s going to cry. I’m not grossed out or anything but I do kinda feel bad for her. I seize this opportunity to let out a fart that I’d been holding in, and followed up with “It’s okay, I do it too sometimes”. It was unsuccessful. She just started bawling :(” – u/TheHairlessGorilla
These stories are enough to make us wonder – maybe our worst encounters weren’t that awful after all.