As much as we’d like to believe that matches are made in heaven, they work beautifully only when it’s a partnership between equals. Love that is not backed by an equal amount of effort and respect from both ends may not be able to withstand the test of time. A marriage counsellor on Reddit, by the handle u/Wonderful_Finance750, did an AMA last month giving opinions on marriages, common issues among couples, infidelity, and more. Take a look:
1. What’s a red flag that to you indicates that there’s little hope of saving the relationship?
“OMG, don’t get me started. Someone with a me-me-me mentality. Refusal to adjust or compromise. Refusal to let go. Not let the other be their own person. Making a big deal or such small things.”
2. Worst couple had to counsel?
“Honestly, all the wannabe Andrew tate and red pill guys lately.”
3. Can you elaborate why infidelity in a marriage isn’t worth saving ?
“When someone gets cheated on, it’s like being stabbed in the back. That is something it’s hard to heal from. Possible, yes. But in most cases, not worth it. It’s like trying to fix a car where the entire bottom of the car is cracked. Just cut your losses.”
4. What is the most common type of issue between partners?
– dee615
“Most common is either a refusal to compromise or just growing apart. Some people just refuse to budge on certain things and it’s hard to work it out. I have seen marriages end on some the most petty things. I had a couple separate cause the husband refused keep the garage from smelling badly. He claimed it was his man cave. TBH, some people just grow apart. When the honeymoon stage is over, it’s when things start to come together.”
5. I’m 6 weeks into a relationship with a woman who I am pretty fond of. How do I make it last? Aside from the obvious don’t cheat on her.
I will give you more general advice. Learn how women think. IDK your dynamic. They don’t think like men. There’s a method to the madness. Firstly, attention. Give healthy amount of attention. Listen, sometimes women want your ear then your brain. Give your partner a reason to be affectionate and to stay.
6. What kinds of unexpected things (i.e., not like… fidelity or good communication) strengthen a marriage?
– thoph
“Time away makes the heart grow fonder. I feel like it’s very underrated. Couples tend to think we need to be around each other all the time. Staying away from social media also. IDK if you have Insta or not but stay away.”
7. How often do you recommend a couple no longer see you because of the success of their work and the sessions with you?
“I don’t say stop seeing me. It’s up to them. For all I know there can be more issues under the surface. I had people say oh we are good not and schedule an appointment like 2 weeks later. So it’s up the them. If you think there’s something, stop by. Better now than later.”
8. What’s the secret to a long marriage?
“Realize what marriage is. It isn’t just a thing where you always see hearts all the time. The over-romantic aspect is dangerous IMO. Love is half of marriage.”
9. Is there ever a point where you tell a couple they just shouldn’t be together?
“Rarely, but yes. If there is cheating, divorce. It’s not worth saving.”
10. Do you offer pre-marital counseling? If so, what are some of the issues addressed in premarital counseling?
“Yes, money. If you are in your 20s nowadays money is probably the biggest issue. Or if they have the kid, the kid. Or how each person’s responsibility is separated.”
Well, as the marriage counsellor said, ‘Love is just half of marriage.’