Welcome to India! We can discuss everything about weddings and love here, except for sex. That’s banned in our dictionaries. It’s especially tough for girls who are forced to suppress their sexual desires, almost like it is a sin to even think about it before marriage. However, after marriage, you’re supposed to have as much of it as you can and have a big family.
Sex is an integral part of a healthy marriage but so many of the newly-wed Indian brides find it hard to make this transition from thinking of sex as a sin to doing it for a happy marriage.
A husband decided to narrate his experience with his wife on Quora, and it is absolutely heartbreaking. Here it is in his own words:
Our family arranged our match when I was 27 and she was 25. She seemed like a beautiful, educated and well spoken woman. Before our families made the match official, all I asked her was if she wants to get married out of free will (as opposed to family pressure) and if there is someone else she wants to be with.
Cut to our first night and we were at my parent’s home. I talked, showered her with compliments gifts and sang for her. After making the atmosphere extremely romantic, I leaned in for a kiss. To my horror, she jumped back. I was horrified that I had scared her. She said she didn’t feel comfortable, so I let it be.
3 months passed and we still hadn’t had sex. I tried everything. I got her flowers, chocolates, gifts, cooked, sang for her, took her to dates, invited her friends over, cuddled and talked with her. I did everything Google came up with when I searched ‘romantic’. I was a good husband.
About 8 months passed, she was still unresponsive. She never initiated anything and was always reluctant about anything new. After months of me nagging her about not telling me what she liked or disliked so that I can make sex better for her, she one day had a mental breakdown. She broke down crying loudly and didn’t stop for 2 hours. Between her mumbling & shouting, all I could understand was that she hated sex and felt dirty every time I touched her.
The doctor said this complex is very common with Indian women and is never diagnosed. When porn, sex scenes in movies, masturbation, premarital sex is seen as something ‘bad’, it subconsciously makes sex an overall toxic thing for women and they suffer through it only as part of their wifely duties.
Today we are divorced. We talked intensively among ourselves, discussed with her psychiatrist, and went to couples’ counselling. It was the best decision for the both of us. She is single, happy, successful at her job, regained the health she lost during the year we were married, and sees a psychiatric to become a healthy sexual adult.