There is a large and ongoing discourse about gender roles and how they impact romantic relationships and their equilibrium. In today’s world, women have more earning power, which has obviously changed things. Which is why this Reddit thread where women are discussing how being breadwinners has impacted their romantic relationships makes for such an insightful read.
1. “It doesn’t. We have joint accounts (not that this works for everyone) and mutually decide on big purchases. I work an office job while my husband is a mechanic. His job is way more physically demanding than mine so in that sense, he works harder than I do. We both mutually respect each other’s careers and my larger income has never caused a rift in our relationship.”
2. “I have an office job in the legal field and my husband has a physical, blue collar job. We have a joint account and I handle paying all of the bills/managing the finances. If either of us wants to buy something pricey, we discuss it. As far as the ‘Who pays for dinner’ concept, it doesn’t really exist for us. It’s all ‘Our money.'”
3. “It’s happened with two separate partners. The first one hated it. I mean, HATED. IT. He was pissy, petty, jealous, felt emasculated, and began spending every penny we had. I’m talking $40 at McDonald’s for only himself. He bought random bigger items without talking to me about them, saying I could afford them (rather than saying ‘We’). Needless to say, our relationship took a severe turn and we split. The next time I began having severe anxiety, thinking it was going to happen all over again. My husband, though, was nothing but supportive. He felt bad that he wasn’t supporting me, but there were other factors involved that needed his attention, and he took care of my son while I worked.”
– epona14
4. “Once he knew I’d support him, my husband ordered DoorDash for every single meal (just for himself). His average order was $20+ and that was at least twice a day, everyday. I began not even being able to commit to an occasional meal out with friends because I couldn’t afford to pay for his habit.”
5. “It doesn’t, we have been together for 14 years and we had times he earned more than me, it is only in the past few years that I’ve been earning considerably more, and things are the same. We pool our money together. We make all financial decisions together. We talk before making big purchases. We have a similar mindset regarding money.
We always share chores. If I work more hours he does more around the house. I take care of our finances, and planning (vacations, doctors, taxes), he executes more (calling vendors, taking care of car/house maintenance) things like this. He knows that I am more ambitious than him, and he supports me on that. He is a very competent man, and is great at everything he does, he just doesn’t like the pressure associated with the corporate world.”
6. “I wouldn’t necessarily say it affects the dynamics of our relationship but I know my partner sometimes feels emasculated around his friends, because of this.”
7. “It isn’t an issue between us at all, and we are both very happy and content. Around his buddies though, I know he wishes he could provide more since many of them have wives who are in lower paying fields than their husbands. But he is job hunting to advance his career and to make more money. I am proud of him, and he is proud of me.”
8. “It’s actually really nice. I work 4 days a week. 12 hour shifts 3 days a week, and an 8 hour shift once a week. We both pay half of the rent and utilities. He pays for gas, I pay for food. It just works. He doesn’t work frequently on the computer business. So every day, when I come home, my house is clean, laundry is done, animals are cared for. I never have to stress out about household chores, and we make meals together and split dish duty. I love having a stay at home house husband.”
9. “My partner (27M) and I (27F) have been together for about 4 years. I make about double his salary – to make it more controversial, we work in the same industry. I’m just more specialized. It was a bit rocky at the beginning – it was difficult to compromise on monthly expenses and budgets, eating out, spending time out of the house, paying for shared things (pets, repairs to the home, etc). It required some very uncomfortable and real conversations through the years, but we are now in a comfortable spot.”
10. “It doesn’t, we treat each other as equals and plan everything out together, from finances to trips etc. I usually budget, and he gives me his input if he thinks it’s doable or not. But the biggest thing for me is that he mainly handles the household chores way, way better than me.”
11. “It can be tough sometimes. I have had 2 long term relationships where the other person did not make much and even if I didn’t care, they cared. It would make them choose to stay home, versus coming out with me, cause they didn’t want me to have to pay their way. I thought they were being antisocial/unwilling to join me but it was actually them not wanting to be a burden. Luckily, I have friends that I go out to nice dinners with, or travel with and he’s more than happy for me to do so. But it would be nice if we could do more of those things together for sure.”
12. “It’s nuanced for us. Between us, we’re equals, but we cop a lot of flak from outside our relationship about me ‘Wearing the pants.’ I am awkward when it comes up in conversation. When it comes to the money decisions, we do it together. I’m the finances person so we set goals together and then I create the budget. The main thing I’ve noticed is that my husband still overestimates how much he does around the house. I personally feel his domestic load is a lot less than when I used to handle all of it. I don’t really say anything but I’m going to be travelling a lot for work soon, so I think he’s going to find out on his own!”
– urukehu·
No one told us being an adult meant working through all of this.
You can read about the surprising things women learnt after they started living with men too.