Disagreeing on anything with our families is bound to invite a reaction similar to what Amitabh Bachchan said in Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham – “keh diya na, bas keh diya”.
A Twitter user pointed this out in a thread where she said how disagreements in Indian families are often looked upon as disloyalty.
The user mentions how there is a common narrative that is often pushed around in desi families – “If you are not with me, you are against me.” And like every action, this narrative has its reaction. This often pushes family members to agree with someone even though they might not agree with their views. It is perfectly normal for members of one family to have differing views on a plethora of topics. But this narrative often pushes family members to forget their individual ideals and rather focus on “showing their loyalty”.
Disagreeing with your family comes with its own set of disadvantages in familial settings. While it is a “courageous” act, it raises the risk of being labelled as “the weird one in the family”. Apart from labelling, there is also the risk of being punished by a show of “anger or distancing”, and even humiliation.
All of these can be toxic. As humans, we thrive on connection and sticking together. And family is the first connection we have. So when our family becomes non-reciprocating towards our thoughts and ideas, it pushes us to not share things with them to avoid not having a family to fall back on.
This leads to being codependent and not having an individual sense of oneself and the world. This is especially true when the person you disagree with is a figure of authority.
This revelation struck a chord with others on Twitter and they agreed that disagreement is not a form of disloyalty.
Dear families, disagreements ≠ disrespect.