Kendriya Bhandar cooperative stores in Delhi, which also supply to the Central Government offices, will soon be replacing all their Phenyl products with Gaunyle, a liquid made using bovine urine. Its natural goodness aside, we got the cow on our staff roll to write her views on this latest development. And this is what she had to say.
I am the most popular, living , breathing divine being to roam the concrete jungles of India and now I have found my way to the corridors of power.
Because my urine will now be used to make the offices of the Central Government shine like a twilight vampire.
I am Nandu.
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Presenting “Gaunyle”, designed from bovine urine, it will have the goodness of neem, fragrant and fresh with the scent of pine mixed in and will soon replace Phenyl.
Essentially, another product made of stuff obtained from yours truly without any payment, consent or consideration.
I have feelings too you know.
Now you may be asking yourself questions like “why now after all these years when you never complained before?” or ” Are you ‘milking’ for popularity?” and “why haven’t you ever appeared on an Arnab show to discuss your concerns?”…
Simple. Because the nation did not want to know.
But I cannot remain quiet anymore.
Now, just because someone called Oba-moo(?) is coming to Delhi, We are being herded off to crammed shelters and away from the open roads, as if we were dirty and ugly and not part of your “urban” culture.
Seriously? Look at me! Could I BE anymore adorable?
After you use our services and our products, you discard us and ignore us as we live in squalor. We aren’t props at a fair and our importance isn’t limited to a few religious festivals in an year. FYI.
We have families, we need homes, we need fodder and we need a place to chew that fodder.
Most of all, give us the respect we deserve.
And BTW, this DOES NOT count as a hygienic living space.
These plans to use my urine for cleaning purposes is apparently meant to “save cows and serve the nation” by engaging gaushalas and providing sources of money to be spent on my family and me.
I hope you won’t forget this promise.
If nothing, remember me for the place I assume among your lives, your religion, your nutrition and your conscience.