Most of us have done the stupidest things and never told our parents about them. Sometimes, it’s because we’re afraid that it’ll still matter to them and we’ll get a scolding and sometimes it’s because it simply doesn’t matter anymore. So, in the spirit of the most relatable thing a kid can do, we’ve compiled confessions from a Reddit thread discussing secrets that kids will never tell their parents.
Take a look:
1. “[pre-cellphone era] I answered the phone and it was my aunt, calling from Florida. My parents had planned a long driving trip to see her. She was calling to say that maybe now wasn’t a good time to visit. It only took about 30 seconds for it to turn into a rant about not really wanting them in her house, to flat-out insults about every wrong they had ever done to her. When the rant ran out, I said ‘They left an hour ago.'”
– reference999·
2. “I was in fact in a dangerous area when travelling and survived a night of bombing.”
3. “In my home country, there’s a period when the entire country went into chaos following an election. The political and tribal divide was intense and anyone could easily be a target if caught in the wrong area. But the naive young me decided it was the best time to take a 12-hour bus ride to go visit an ex who was working for an NGO in a rather remote volatile area. It’s several years later and I’ve never told my parents about this!”
4. “When I was a kid we were on my dad’s boat far out at sea. He asked me to take the wheel. After about five minutes, I saw a big log floating and I steered into it and hit it with the prop, HARD. I had seen a cartoon where they did this and it just turned the log into toothpicks. It didn’t do that. We had to get towed in by the Coast Guard.”
– Hamfiter
5. “I ‘wasn’t allowed’ to play ‘violent video games’ in my father’s house for the entirety of the time I lived there due to their religious beliefs (Jehovah’s Witnesses). Naturally, I was playing them the entire time, behind his back. I was caught a couple of times, and each time, it was such a source of heated argument between my father and I that the last time I was caught, he threatened to kick me out over it (verbatim: ‘Either those games go, or you do.’) He told me he was willing to undergo potential punishment with the church (‘I will take my lumps!’) for kicking his son onto the street. Each time I was caught, my mother would stand by him. What I’ll never tell my father is that my mother knew the entire time. The. Entire. Time.”
6. “When I was 14, I left the house at one in the morning to hang out with friends in an empty field and watch a meteor shower, which I had ironically been grounded from seeing with my family, due to having sneaked out to hang out in the woods before. I went out my window (difficult, and needed help from my friends due to being a twig) and then came in through the back door at three (left it unlocked). Nearly got caught, but told my dad I had simply been taking the dog out, which he believed since I’d done that before.”
7. “I had my mom buy me BMX XXX, not because I wanted to play a BMX game but because you could unlock actual porn with it. The game was also pretty lit though.”
8. “Made out with one of my mom’s friends. Looking back at it, I regret it and am not proud of it. She was super hot, but I’m glad it was only limited to making out multiple times during the summer and nothing more. We almost had sex but fortunately, I did not have condoms so I turned her down. Ultimately it turns out she was fucking crazy (in my experience). She always seemed normal to everyone else though.”
– YoungChop99·
9. “When I was a teen, I once stole a cucumber from the crisper to use as a dildo. I threw it out the window when my parents came home early. My mom was so confused that the cucumber was missing, which made me feel pretty guilty. Then, a while later, she was equally confused as to why cucumbers were growing in her garden. She served those magic cucumbers to so many people- family meals, church potlucks etc.”
10. “It was me who pissed in the trash can next to the toilet and not the dog (I was 6). They still tell the story to this day because the dog was infamous for doing crazy shit.”
– 5h0ck
11. “My dad isn’t my dad. I have DNA proof. I’m 27. He doesn’t know.”
12. “That meditation retreat I went on was actually an Ayahuasca ceremony. They had a hard enough time processing that I ‘believe in meditation’ so I doubt it’d go over well.”
Parents just don’t need to know certain things about their kids