I remember the day that we first met like it was yesterday. It was love at first sight. After making me wait for ages (sure, it was like 8-10 days, but it felt like ages), you were finally here for me. My love, my guardian, here to make my life easier. And as much joy as our union has brought me over time, I’ve also come to see this relationship in its true toxic glory as well.
So it’s with a heavy heart that I ask this of you, but I desperately need some time apart. It’s time we called it quits and went our separate ways, my beloved smartphone.
You’ve stood by me during the best and worst of times. You have been as integral to my life as… well, as anyone’s smartphone inevitably is!
You’re single-handedly responsible for bringing me my regular dose of cuddly puppy pics and ree-DONK-ulous memes. And don’t even get me started on the staggering amount of mobile porn you’ve brought into my life.
Needless to say, my life wouldn’t be the same without you.
But y’know what, maybe that’s exactly what I need. A different life. One without you.
It’s thanks to you that everyone I know now has 16 ways, at any given point, to reach me. And trust me, most of them don’t use just one of those ways. The Facebook, Whatsapp, Snapchat, Twitter and Tinder notifications that you so excitedly continue to bring me, now only fill me with annoyance and to some extent, despair.
I know this must be confusing. You were just doing your job. But neither you nor I ever imagined when we met, that this simple job of yours may end up threatening my sanity.
Our relationship has turned into a dysfunctional spiral of co-dependence that keeps me from truly accomplishing, experiencing or living my own life.
The constant, ringing supply of social engagement that you so pridefully offer to all who embrace you, no longer fills me with enthusiasm as it once did. It is after all, constantly endeavouring to make my life about the accomplishments, experiences and lives that other people are accomplishing, experiencing and living.
Let me be honest, smartphone. I can’t remember a family dinner or friendly catch-up that virtual notifications didn’t defiantly get in the way of.
The kind of social interaction I truly need, is the one thing you cannot give me. Uninterrupted time with my family every night. An actual heart-to-heart with my close friends. Me-time that is truly just for me.
And it is as sad as it is true, that we must take a break from each other for any of this to even be a possibility. So this is the end of the road for us.
Goodbye, my friend. I wish it didn’t have to end this way. But my non-virtual life awaits.
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