We always talk about the logistics and technicalities around the lives of with people who work in the army. Those things are just a part of the experience, though. The life understandably comes with a lot of emotional factors, as well. This definitely includes things that people from a non-army background cannot really comprehend – given that that’s a different life altogether. For instance, being in the army or just being in a family with an army person comes with a lot of moving.
Redditors shared their experiences, and these definitely help for perspective.
1. “My dad was gone a lot. He has never told me he loves me. I am so disconnected from my extended family, even now at almost 50 that I don’t know them. There’s been some fallout for sure, but so much gained its hard to say if it was a bad or good way to grow up. I think being a military brat made me fiercely independent.”
– K0MR4D
2. “Yes, there definitely was a down side and I would not quite label it traumatic. I was diagnosed at age 13 with ADD (no ADHD at the time) and the constant moving around and resocializing at new bases left me without a permanent anchor. Personally, I hold on to physical objects longer than maybe I should because things like CDs, records and items are more of a constant.”
3. “Not traumatized per say, but definitely affected. Like, I can meet someone at a party and bond with them right away, but then I don’t care if I ever see them again. I’m an open book because military brats don’t have time to mess around getting to know you – but in adulthood some people find this lack of filter charming, and many others don’t. I’m a social introvert.”
4. “Since I’ve moved around so much, I am detached in relationships and struggle with knowing “how to stay.” In other words, I lack the tools that I need to work on long term relationships and I struggle with the urge to run away and start a new life any time I’m criticized, have a set back in life, or end a relationship. It’s just weird and different for me to not feel anonymous, if that makes sense.”
5. “It definitely affected the way I formed relationships after I reached the age of 13. I soon got tired of the constant rebuilding and refused to talk to anyone when I moved and entered 8th grade. When i reached highschool i realized how difficult it was to relate to a bunch of kids who have lived in the same town, same district their whole lives. I feel like the strain that my mom was under left her unable to care for us emotionally that well.”
6. “Oh, I’m not right I can tell you that. I have a wife and kids. I’m not the best husband or dad but I make the best of it. I don’t trust anyone. I can’t accurately describe how I feel other than it can be depressing/shitty sometimes. I grew up as the Internet was taking off. Some of my old friends are on there. Some of them are close distance but we don’t conversate. I’ve never felt like I’ve fit in outside of that fence.”
– bwalz87
7. “I find being able to do anything long distance pretty easy, my current relationship is semi long distance and I don’t tend to notice if and when my partner struggles because I’m just used to long distance and not seeing friends and family for months on end.”
8. “I am a female who completely grew up on bases. More than I can remember. Our first off-base residence occurred when I was a 10th grader. It was also the first time I attended an off base school… so weird! I am only now realizing how different my life was. I have no “real” friends.”
9. “I think the most frustrating thing I deal with is attachment issues to stuff. So many of my toys and furniture and just things would simply disappear between moves as my family would just dispose of things between moves. And so now I hold onto things like tools or household items that I probably should just get rid of. I also find it super difficult to invest in my environment.”
– Andreiu_
10. “I find that I seem to do a lot better during the times my husband and I are separated from one another than he does. Or he will go a week without seeing his mother and miss her so much. I have those feeling for him and my family of course, but it just doesn’t affect me the way separation affects him. It’s just an interesting observation I’ve made.”
Clearly, we know very little about other people’s experiences.