A few days ago, I had bought a new lighter. I paid 10 bucks extra just so that it would be a fancy one. You borrowed it the same day. Now give it back, you thieving bastard.
I mean, why won’t you just return it after you’re done with the smoke? I gave my lighter to you in good faith, you freeloading buttface!
I know what your next argument is. ‘Oh, it’s just 10 bucks’. Oh, why don’t you fucking buy it then? I will even give you the money. Just get your own shit, bro.
You know what, you would be forgiven if it was just one lighter. But no! You have the guts to borrow another lighter the next day, and the day after that. It’s a never-ending cycle.
Yesterday, I saw you with my lighter. You let me ‘borrow’ it and asked me to give it back, you generic freeloader!
Oh, you didn’t know? HOW? You have been using it for weeks. You are telling me at no point, did you take a look at the poor thing and thought, ‘Oh, wait, I didn’t buy that!’
So what’s wrong with you, bro? Because I am not even asking you to return all the lighters you’ve taken before or even the fancy one. Just back the one I Ient you 10 minutes ago. Just fucking give it back!
Look, you obviously smoke. So you do buy cigarettes. You might not know this, but those guys generally have lighters. Just fucking buy one.