Delving into sex without foreplay or mental stimulation is like having a dessert without the main course. We know it’s hard to communicate the existence of the clitoris to your partner, but isn’t it easy to talk – then have awkward sexual tension inside the bedroom? Women on Reddit have opened up about things they want their sexual partners to be more sensitive about, and each point is a tip for a magical experience!
1. “This might be a weird one, but I wish my sexual partners understood my ovulation better. At least for me, I lubricate very easily when I’m ovulating…and not very easily when I’m not ovulating.”
2. “Porn is entertainment, not an educational resource. Just because you’ve seen something done in videos, doesn’t mean women enjoy or want it.”
3. “I want to have a conversation around periods normalized and what is and isn’t on the table during that time.”
4. “Just because the last person liked it doesn’t mean anyone else has to. In fact just because the last 10 people liked it doesn’t mean the next one does.”
5. “Clitoral stimulation isn’t “extra,” isn’t “foreplay,” and should never be considered “optional” unless you know for a fact that the person you’re with dislikes it or is ambivalent about it (which is not the case for the majority of women).”
6. “That I want to make out DURING sex. Like it’s so unsatisfactory just having them heavy breathing over top of you. Like, do something.”
7. “The clitoris is super super super sensitive and you should (usually) be very careful with it. Labias are very erotic and sensitive for most women as well (lots of nerve endings).”
8. “That telling them how you like it, isn’t criticizing them, or their abilities. Unless you’re a mind reader, sexually pleasing a woman is pretty hard without solid communication.”
9. “Orgasms (for me) are like riding a bicycle up a hill: it’s a slow and consistent process and if you stop you’ll rapidly lose all momentum, but once you reach the top it’s a quick descent. What I’m learning from this thread – by god, ask your female partner what they like. Everyone is so vastly different.”
10. “Consistency builds the pressure necessary for an actual orgasm. Stop switching it up when it’s clear that it feels good.”
11. “If the mental connection isn’t there…DO NOT expect me or my coochie to be losing our minds. Penetrate my mind and my thoughts before you penetrate anything else.”
12. “Sometimes it’s really difficult for me to switch “mommy mode” to a “sexual mode”. It’s so hard to explain. But I just can’t automatically switch. I guess I need a lot more foreplay than before. Or even more than that touch that doesn’t need to be reciprocated.”
13. “Don’t be shy or embarrassed about what you want! Fetishes can be cool. Toys can be fun. Sex doesn’t always have to be PIV in heterosexual partnerships. Protection and consent always.”
14. “That it is so sexy when they ask how you’re feeling and make sure you’re okay throughout sex.”
15. “That just because I don’t cum doesn’t mean you’re shit in bed. SOMETIMES it means that, but mostly it’s because my body is weird and she needs to sometimes have a lot of effort until she’s ready to orgasm.”
16. “Taking your time actually builds suspense and pleasure. Savour each part of the process. Rushing to penetration and orgasm is not actually a good experience.”
17. “Please don’t hurt me. First-time sex partners almost always hurt me physically in some way. Pull my hair, pinch my nipple, bite my leg, jab it in really fast, jackhammer me after I said to take it easy—at this point, I may never have sex with a man again, and I’m fine with that.”