‘Aur Bata’ is that question that — whenever pops up — reminds you of all the things you hate about your life. And the truth is the person asking you this doesn’t want to know about your struggles. So you have to mask your overwhelmed status of mind with ‘sab sahi, tu bata?’ and feed the vicious monster.
You may be goals in terms of friendships, but it’s hard to love a friend whose idea of conversation is ‘Aur Bata.’ Besides, if they’re aur bataoing you every time they text you, are they really your friend?
To save the world from the ‘Aur Bata’ monster, we have come up with 16 potential responses you can give to break that awkward conversation loop. (Cos the world deserves heart-to-heart exchanges.)
For clarity purposes, here’s what an ‘awkward conversation loop‘ looks like.
1. BLOCK THEM.
I thought I’d make this the last point, but why not cut to the chase at the beginning. We all have enough problems of our own than to put up with the Aur Bata frustration. You never know! You blocking them may become a reality check they didn’t know they needed.
2. Let ‘Aur Bata’ be the only text you send them henceforth.
Have you heard of giving someone the taste of their own medicine? Yup, do that. Trap them into the awkward conversation loop instead. Become the initiator and bring a climax to this aur bata shiz once and for all.
3. (a+b)2 = a2 + 2ab + b2
No, that’s not the only Math formula I remember, but this is everybody’s favourite. Besides, below is the list of formulas you can choose from. Pick any; who cares? They’d have sent a better text if they cared.
4. 2 lies and a truth: “Soch rahi hun ghar bech doon, shares bech doon, aur tujhe bhi bech hi doon.”
Sell your friEND.
5. “Yaar! Ranbir-Alia ki shaadi ho gayi, ab unka baccha hone wala hai…”
Spill random unimportant facts you know and relieve yourself of all that information overload.
6. Ask them to STFU.
After a hectic day at work, you don’t need one extra conversation that doesn’t matter.
7. “I hope Annabelle comes and haunts you at night.”
If you don’t find Annabelle spooky AF, you’re not human. (Just look at her in the eye for 5 minutes straight)
8. Tell them what you’re doing. EXACTLY as you are doing.
Even if it is that you touched a hot pan when the car below your building was honking to wake the asleep watchman. Or that you just traversed from one room to another for a change of scene even when your house is not a palace. Or you just had the first bite of Rajma Chawal only to realize namak kam hai. Or you were just thinking about that dream of punching your friend for sending ridiculous texts. Or…I’ll stop here!
9. Be honest. BE BRUTALLY HONEST.
10. Send this.
And get rid of all the apps that haunt you.
11. “Mitochondria is the powerhouse of cell.”
Let that X Class Science be put to some use, after all.
12. Send random quotes cos their text is random, this article is random and everything about this life is RANDOM AF.
Looking for stars since forever…
13. “Aasmaan hai neela kyun, Paani geela geela kyun, Gol kyun hai zameen?”
Socha nahi toh socho abhi…
14. “Are you too free or is no one paying attention to you? Maybe cos your texting game sucks.”
Stand up to your friend cos…
15. Send them random Reddit & Quora threads to help them out. This is also a charity of a different kind.
For your sake, here are some threads you can send them:
How to tell someone they’re annoying the hell out of me without being an ass?
What are the signs of a dying friendship?
What should one do in one’s free time?
16. Channelise your inner LinkedIn and offer them muft ka gyaan.
Tell them life is a race. If they don’t run fast.. they will be like a broken andaa.
In case it’s not evident, the point is to be stupid. Give stupid responses to this stupid ass question. The world would have been a much better place had ‘aur bata’ not existed. GIVE THE MOST ANNOYING RESPONSE TO THE MOST ANNOYING QUESTION.
That’s enough randomness for the day from me! Good bye.