Netflix’s latest reality show, The Fabulous Lives Of Bollywood Wives, offers, as the name suggests, a glimpse into the luxurious lives of four celebrity wives, Seema Khan, Maheep Kapoor, Bhavana Pandey, and Neelam Kothari.
Married to Bollywood stars, the four are friends and their lives are touted as the real-life version of SATC. Or, more accurately, the Indian version of Keeping Up With The Kardashians/The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
While it wasn’t as ‘fabulous’ as the trailer hinted at, the show definitely served a fair share of moments that had us going WTF:
1. When Maheep Kapoor ‘confessed’ to using binoculars to spy on the neighbors.
Because of course, everyone carries a pair of binoculars and looks out their house on the off-chance that they’d ‘prevent crime’.
Also, any comment that starts with, “I’m not a stalker but…” is not the best defense.
2. When we realized it isn’t even the only pair of binoculars she has!
Even during Diwali cleaning, most of us would be hard-pressed to find even one pair of working binoculars in our houses. And then there is Maheep Kapoor, who has not one, but rather two pairs – one of which she conveniently left at Arjun Kapoor’s house.
In Maheep’s words, “You twat, who has two binoculars?”.
3. When Neelam Kothari read out a script that appeared to be straight out of a cringe-fest.
Neelam Kothari joined the entertainment industry when she was only 15 and became a star of Indian cinema during the 80s and 90s. Over two decades later, she’s thinking about a comeback and reads aloud a script she received for the role of a ‘hunterwali’. And the dialogues were more shocking than ever her accent.
4. When they shamed Maheep’s house help, Rekha, for confusing Le Bal with belly dancing. In 2020 it’s not cool, and so not done.
Maheep and Seema tell Rekha, Maheep’s house help, about how Shanaya is headed for the Le Bal. And when Rekha confuses it with belly dancing, not only do they laugh at her, Seema also offers a comment on how seeing this ‘lost-in-translation’ conversation between Maheep and her house help is ‘entertainment’.
5. When Bhavana Pandey turned up to clean a beach in heels.
I mean, she did say in her defense that the only gumboots she had were the ones with heels in it. But, who really wears heels to a beach clean-up?
6. When Mozez almost commented he had ‘nothing but Prada’ in his closet, and thus, turned up to a beach clean-up in Prada.
Clearly, Bhavna was not the odd one out, because their friend and film director Mozez arrived for the beach clean-up wearing a Prada outfit. And almost admitted to not owning anything, but Prada, in his closet.
*Definitely not part of the ‘wearing old clothes on Holi and making them pocha’ brigade.*
7. When everyone took one look at an old lemon with red color on top and branded it, ‘kaala jaadu’.
The four friends arrive for a beach clean-up, where they spot a discarded lemon on the beach. And instantly everyone, barring Seema, decide it’s a symbol of black magic. Okay then.
*This beach doesn’t just need a clean-up. It needs an exorcism.*
8. When Maheep thought she had touched a condom while cleaning the beach, but it turned it to be a glove.
9. When Bhavana Pandey shared that her secret for healthier, ‘younger-looking’ skin is ‘energy lift’.
At a discussion on whether Neelam should go ahead with a facelift or not (spoiler alert, she does), Bhavana admits to achieving a younger, healthier skin through an alternate route – an ‘energy lift’. It’s a session where her transformational healer and life coach transfers energy from the Earth to her face… I kid you not.
It looks like a massage, TBH, but hey, to each her own.
10. When Bhavana Pandey shared why she has a problem with sleeping alone.
Bhavana went on record to say that is scared of sleeping alone because of the ghosts. And… do I really need to say anything more at this point?
11. When Neelam Kothari was offered a job in a way that even the 90s would consider unprofessional.
From professing to be a fan to turning up wherever she was headed, Neelam Kothari experienced quite a ‘stalker’ scare – only to discover the guy simply wished to offer her an advertisement.
Umm, it’s the modern ages where we have things like e-mails, phone calls, and agents. And spotting someone and offering a job is so 90s!
12. When Chunky referred to his wife as ‘Milfy’ Pandey.
At a dinner party that could give a stiff competition to The Office for the Most Awkward Dinner ever, the discussion turns to what the term MILF means.
While Sameer Soni offers the explanation, Chunky Pandey offers this remark.
*Ah Chunky, I was rooting for you. SMH!*
13. When Sameer Soni just got up and left, literally, from the middle of a dinner party.
Right in the middle of a conversation, Sameer Soni, who in his own words hates socializing, just gets up and walks out of the dinner party, stating rehearsals as an excuse. The rest of the party was shocked but the introverts, including me, related hard!
14. When Neelam applied a bronzer before coming to the pool to get a tan.
The four friends decide to head to the pool to get a tan but Neelam goes one step ahead and applies a bronzer beforehand.
Better safe than sorry? Didn’t exactly work since her bronzer comes off the second she steps into the pool!
15. When Seema and Maheep got into a full-blown fight over the British Royal Family.
Meghan and Harry’s exit from the Royal Family left a lot of people upset. But who’d have thought one of those people would be Maheep Kapoor, right?
16. When Sameer Soni turned on his party trick – remembering sun signs!
After one of the most memorable getaways from a party, Sameer Soni made an effort (read: consumed Vodka with Red Bull) to socialize with Neelam’s friends. And showcased a party trick that left me thoroughly flummoxed. Because it was about his ability to remember everyone’s sun sign.
Gotta say, the whole show was like an extended version of a Koffee With Karan episode.
All images are screenshots from Netflix.