Do you know uncle? The society uncle? Yes, yes, that very a**hole. That daft bastard who thinks he owns the society and makes rules he wants everyone to follow. Well, most of that crap he does is illegal and he has no right to do so.
1. Not allowing pets in the society.
Uncle’s son might act like a dog every time he sees a woman, but uncle doesn’t like actual dogs. Uncle is an entitled prick who has a very loose grasp of the law and doesn’t understand that he doesn’t have any right to dictate what animals you choose to live with. Uncle also lacks basic empathy. F uncle.
2. Not allowing live-in couples.
Uncle believes it is the strength of his moral character that keeps the society floating on the river of decency. Uncle also wears lungi and ganji and spits paan everywhere. Uncle is a hypocrite. Uncle uses maa-behn ki gaali every chance he gets and runs a tight ship at home, which is a funny way of saying he likes dictating the lives of the women he’s related to.
Uncle can’t stop you from living with whoever you want.
3. Not allowing Muslim tenants.
Uncle is highly Islamophobic. Uncle doesn’t believe in a secular country. Uncle doesn’t think all people are equal. Uncle is a big believer in WhatsApp forwards and needs to be called out by his own family members. But uncle lives in a country as messed up as him. Regardless, uncle is unaware of the constitution that guarantees you a life with dignity irrespective of your religious identity.
4. Not allowing LGBTQA+ people.
Uncle is homophobic, as are most of you reading this. So tell me, how does it feel knowing that you have the same characteristics as a 60-year-old man who yells at the news loud enough to drown out Navika Kumar’s voice?
Uncle also thinks gay people are bad for society. Maybe, it’s the age but he seems to be confused about the part where people’s sexuality is none of his f***ing problem and he needs to STFU for real.
5. Making chanda compulsory during puja and stuff.
Uncle FFS, not everyone is religious and we know that all society associations skim off that cash for personal expenses, namely alcohol, and not even adventurous stuff like cocaine. Uncle, you love your gods, you pay. We might love your gods but we don’t want to pay. Because you know…
6. Banning meat during Navratri and stuff.
Uncle has never been inside a kitchen because he’s a f**king rat. Also, unlike movie rats, uncle doesn’t know how to cook. Uncle is extremely casteist, which is where this veg-non veg crap comes from. But little does uncle know that he doesn’t have the power to ban shit. Unlike uncle’s sad-a satvik bhojan crap, some of us like eating dead animals. It tastes good and makes us happy. Also, the festival is inherently north-Indian and Hindus from the rest of the country, say East India eat meat during festivals.
7. Making rules against feeding stray animals.
Sometimes uncle thinks feeding stray animals is bad because he is afraid of getting bitten. Uncle, your wifey doesn’t bite you, why would the dog? The dog wants nothing to do with you. In that way, it’s just like your children.
8. Deciding parking space.
Uncle has been driving a car since the first steam engine was invented but still can’t parallel park. But he wants to decide where you can park. Uncle doesn’t have that power. As a matter of fact, and here’s a secret, uncle doesn’t have any power. He’s a weak old man. Just park your vehicle and be done with it. What’s he gonna do, scare you with his earlobe hair?
9. Deciding which class of people should be allowed to use the lifts.
Uncle claims casteism doesn’t exist but he also believes that domestic workers should not use lifts. Uncle can’t decide that. Nobody can. Be a decent person and tear down every such notice you see. Uncle is cheap. That’s why those notices are printed in black and white. He’s not gonna print them again.
10. Deciding curfew time in the society.
Uncle has dinner at 8 PM and sleeps off by 10. He doesn’t think women should stay out after the sun goes down. He thinks it’s unsafe. Uncle lives in the 20th century. We don’t. Don’t listen to uncle. Get right on his face, uncle hates confrontation especially if it’s a woman.
Don’t be afraid of uncle. Kick uncle’s a** every chance you get and live the life you deserve. Janhit mein jaari. *Tin Tin Tiding*