Masturbation is a universal truth. Dudes do it, so do chicks. And to be completely honest, every chick, at some point of desperation or the other, has taken the odd masturbatory road-less-travelled. Reddit is here to show you just how creative countless women’s journeys to sexual fulfilment has been.
Here’s an actual list of the strangest things that girls have used as jerk-off aids. Remember, these are all true.
1. A wobbly seat of a bike during spin class
“I was at a spinning class today and my bike was a little wobbly, and somehow the cycling action was making my clit rub against my labia/the seat (through my pants and leggings of course) and I had an orgasm right there in spin.”
2. A bed post with a ball
“The post was only about about 2 feet high and the ball on the post was quite small.”
3. A tickle me Elmo doll
Damn right. Elmo’s got game! “I realised my old tickle me Elmo doll felt very nice when it shook as it “laughed”. So, being a creative youngster, I cut it open and took out the part that vibrated it.”
4. A tube of M&Ms
“One of those tubes of M&M minis before I was old enough to buy a real sex toy. It worked well.”
5. A curling wand
“Obviously wasn’t plugged in. But a little warmth makes it that much more real.”
6. A washing machine
“Washers on a spin cycle when they’re off-balance? Oh, yes.”
7. A toy gandalf
“Technically it wasn’t really masturbation I just wanted to see if he would fit.”
8. A contraption made using a spoon with a thick handle and a soft toy
“The spoon part cupping this little soft toy I had that had a pull string vibration motor in it. I’d have probably preferred it to be a motor with a battery but I just worked with what I had!”
9. A blanket
“A blanket pulled tight up between my legs that I humped at till I came. It was awesome.”
10. A Stuffed Scooby-Doo
“When I was 14, I straddled a huge Scooby-Doo I won at Kings Island and road him to Kingdom Cum. I only got to do it once though because I busted him open. I was cleaning up that weird foam filler for weeks.”
11. Hand-held pedicure machine
“This weird pedicure machine thing my mom had that was basically a vibrator with detachable heads? Some of the heads were very soft plastic with grooves.”
12. A marker dipped in wax several times to increase width, then wrapped in saran wrap
That. Was. Resourceful.
13. A Nintendo 64 controller
“N64 controller with a Rumble Pak. I just walked Mario into a corner and rumbled away.”
14. Bathroom counter at work
“It’s a one person bathroom, and the sink counter is exactly crotch height. I can hump it in such a way that the corner rubs my clitoris till I cum. I’ve only done it once.”
15. The handle of a hairbrush
“When I was about 15.”
16. A cellphone
“The kind with a tiny black and white display.” Man those things are sturdy.
17. A snake plush toy
“10/10 would fuck a snake again.”
18. An electric toothbrush
Recommended by 4 out of 5 dentists. *falls over laughing*
19. A wooden dildo made in carpentry class
“[I made it] for shits and giggles. For some reason none of my friends wanted to try it out.”
20. A mini bottle of baby powder
Wow. I will never look at that Johnson & Johnson’s bottle the same way again.
21. A carrot
“My mom once told me she masturbated with a Carrot. I’ve been to therapy.”
22. A toy Harry Potter’s Nimbus 2000 broomstick
“It vibrates.” Yep, a range of vibrating broomsticks were once released.
23. A powerful subwoofer
Doesn’t even matter how sexy the beat is.
In all honesty, this may have been a weird read for the men, but you ladies definitely know what they’re talking about. Whatever works for you, amirite?
Thanks, Vagabomb, for bringing this into our lives.
