They say that if you don’t do politics, politics will do you. And you cannot agree more. Being in India and not knowing about Modi’s craze, Kejri’s wave and Arnab’s rage, which pretty much sum up Indian politics right now, can make matters difficult for you. So if you are the one who dreads the ‘P’ word and gets a panic attack at the very mention of it, here are 21 pointers which narrate your story!
1. You still think Manmohan Singh is the President of India.
For starters, he never was the President, he was the PM. Go figure!
2. When your dad told you achhe din aane wale hain, you thought your mom was off to her mother’s place.
Don’t you even try to get political jokes?
3. You fail to understand why certain people are MLAs while others are called MPs when at the end of the day all of them are politicians.
Because by this logic, SRK and KRK would also become equals!
4. When you are a caught in a political conversation, your standard contribution to the discussion is… “Sab chor hain saale.”
Now wriggle out of the discussion ASAP before your pattern gets noticed!
5. You vote only because you don’t want to miss out on the ink-stained finger picture on Facebook.
*Feeling patriotic*
6. You feel cheated when somebody tells you Rahul Gandhi has nothing to do with Mahatma Gandhi.
Dafuq?
7. And almost lose it when when you get to know that even Rani Mukherji and Pranab Mukherjee are not related.
Don’t do that to me… puhleez!
8. The first few pages of the newspaper appear as annoying as the ads in the beginning of a Youtube video.
What purpose do they serve anyway?
9. You get surprised when you hear there are more parties in India other than Congress and BJP.
And you throw these names around in every political conversation!
10. You cannot tell from Rajnath Singh and Amar Singh if you happen to see them together.
Akkar Bakkar Bambe Bow…
11. If somebody casually mentions Sachin Pilot to you, 9 out of 10 times you’ll expect a conversation about air planes.
Pilots in parliament? No wonder so many air mishaps happen these days.
12. You stereotype all Indian politicians in your head.
The top ones being…
13. Your knowledge of international politics starts with Obama and ends there.
Okay, who doesn’t know the American PM?
14. You feel your entire life is a lie when somebody tells you that Tulsi from ‘ Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi’ is now the HRD minister of India.
Whoa! Can I go faint now?
15. The union budget stops making sense once the price of tobacco products is discussed.
Which just increases every year. More reasons to hate politics and politicians.
16. You hold Political Science (hons.) students in higher regard than IITians.
Because these guys graduate in something you can’t handle for more than 2 minutes.
17. You are the only one staring at your feet when the world laughs at Alia Bhatt’s appalling lack of political knowledge.
I feel you girl…
18. You voted for AAP because you were blown away by the courage of a common man trying to clean up Indian politics…
No. You just voted because everyone else was voting for it!
19. You secretly enjoy Arnab Goswami’s show because it’s the only vent out for you!
20. The only column which is forever blank on your Facebook profile info is ‘Political Views’.
Leave me alone, at least on Facebook.
21. And when you see Indian politicians making insensitive statements, you actually feel better not knowing them.
And you feel happy that you did not contribute to bringing these jerks in power.
By the way, there is a new law that punishes those who don’t know the name of the first Governor of India. Now go hide somewhere!
